Now,...Let's Talk About SEX

Do I have your attention now? I bet I do. Amazing how such a small word can hold the attention of so many. The power of this word became apparent to me a while back.  When I first joined Facebook, I would post provocative questions in my status. First it was done just to entertain, but the constant observer in me delighted in the variety of responses I would receive. Granted, some were still too shy or intimidated to answer honestly, most likely due to the lack of anonymity. This is has never been the case for me. 

For the next few blog entries we are going to travel and delve into those various questions and peel back the shroud that still exists in our society when it comes to sex, men and women. Primarily sex and women.  The reason I have decided to visit this subject, is simply because we are already preoccupied with it. The proof is in the salacious stories we see bombarding our news, especially as of late with the newest Washington scandal involving the Secret Service and prostitutes. I am not going to dive into the politics of this latest scandal, we will have enough time for that, and I am certain that there will be plenty more to come. 

Today, I had a "tweet battle" (I swear that sounds like something out of Dr Seuss); with an acquaintance regarding women and sex.  It had been his assertion that women shouldn't have sex on the first date. Reason why? The man would not get into a relationship with them afterwards. This irritated me beyond belief. Please do not misinterpret what I am saying, I am not advocating for women across the nation to screw the first guy they see. Sex, however, is a biological impulse. It is also a physiological benefit to the parties when performing the act of sex. I am not making this up, you can check the facts with Dr. Oz, but I digress. It is not for the physical relief of pleasure that I say women can have sex on the first, second or last date, I say it because any two mature responsible adults can engage in sex for the fun of it without the baggage. Provided you leave the baggage at the door. Just realize why you are engaging in the act. Is it for the pleasure and relief? Or do you have an end goal other than an orgasm?

My twitter friend said; "More females than not (not all) who didn't wait wish they had waited a bit longer. Many stated that they felt cheap or used afterwards". I argued this and countered that if the woman is confident and self assured within her own sexuality there is no regret. Of course if the sex is bad, there may be some regret as to not having opted for the V8 rather than the bad bed partner. Someone else added that women who do have sex on the first date suffer from low self esteem. Again, I balk at this inference, for a woman with low self esteem, having sex on the first date, will feel just as bad had the sex occurred on the first or tenth. Reason being is that the sex was given with an ulterior motive. Ladies, I beg of you, stop thinking that your va-jay-jay is the Holy Grail. Just because you can do it right does not mean that the man will drop to his knees and beg you to stay with him. Too many women have been fooling themselves into believing that if they are freaks in the bedroom, the man will stay. Reality is a man will stay when you want him to.  Just don't expect to find Captain Save-a-Ho stepping up to the plate when your game is weak.

To better explain this I am going to state some hard truths to you. Do not seek what you do not already have. If you want a good man, with a job, financially secure and is stable, well then YOU need to be a good woman, with a job, who is financially secure and mentally stable. Flying your freak flag across the country does not insure you better odds, regardless of what your girlfriends may tell you. Men also need to not be so judgmental. If you are engaging in sex, responsibly with a woman after a great first date, she may just have wanted sex. We (women) are sexual beings as well, and contrary to popular belief, have active libidos and lustful desires.

I, for one, LOVE sex, and will state without shame, that I have had my share of lovers. This did not make me a slut, vamp or prostitute, I was merely a grown woman with desires and had them met. Difference is I did not have sex to fulfill some emptiness, or to validate who I was. My choice to have sex when I was single was simple, either I had a night with B.O.B. or I could have some time with a man I was interested in. Sex for sex sake can happen, for both men and women. Regardless of your choice, just be sure it is a choice you are prepared for, emotionally and mentally. 

Please also remember to always practice safe sex! Because they now have diseases that can kill you or never leave.

Always with a quote or two for you, here are my selections on this subject; 

"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best." ~ Woody Allen

“Life without sex might be safer but it would be unbearably dull. It is the sex instinct, which makes women seem beautiful, which they are once in a blue moon, and men seem wise and brave, which they never are at all. Throttle it, denaturalize it, take it away, and human existence would be reduced to the prosaic, laborious, bore some, imbecile level of life in an anthill.” ~Henry Louis Mencken

Parenthood,....the continuing saga

Saturday, I wrote what I thought was, a heartfelt message to my firstborn. Please note I said what "I thought was", but I want you all to be aware that before posting it had to be daughter approved. It had been my intention to not embarrass her, and allegedly much of what I do is just that, embarrassing.  Now mind you, it isn't anything specific, apparently anything I do or say can be perceived as an embarrassment by my teenaged daughter. This is also the view of most teens with regards to their parents.  

I could sit here and regale in the stories of the countless times she embarrassed me, such as when she was still breastfeeding and decided it was time for lunch and unzipped my sweatshirt in public. She was 8 months old and at that moment I decided it was about time to ween her. I could also mention how I had to explain to a state trooper why I was pulled over on the Thruway crawling about trying to retrieve a Barbie she just threw out the window, or when she insisted I purchase a ticket for her to climb a rock wall and then decided she was too scared to do it. The end result, I had to climb first to show her it was safe. Did I mention I was wearing a dress? Yet, these are the things we do as parents, and we don't complain.

I have another child, fourteen years younger then her sister. Yes, you heard me right, just when I saw the light at the end of the tunnel I JUMPED back in the pool to do it all again. I think when she turns thirteen I am going to leave, I can always return when she is twenty-one! Frankly they say kids make you feel young but mine are making me feel my age, all forty-five years of them, but I digress.

I suppose that I am fine with the quirks, disappointments and blame that comes from being a mother. I never tried to be that cool mom, turned out I was because I watch anime, and once worked in the gaming industry and still played video games. The fact that I listen to current music didn't hurt my status either, but it was a status she used amongst her peers, never giving the compliments or acknowledgment to me herself. I suppose that would have been asking for too much.

Hopefully, this college transition will be easier than when I took her to school for the first time. Easier for me that is, she pushed me out of the class telling me to go, while I cried at the doorway and sat in my car. I was hurt and proud at the same time, proud of her self confidence that she could fend for herself without me. Hurt that she was so confident that she didn't need me to help her on her first day in school and could  fend for herself. So began the paradox of my role as her mother.

This blog entry was not daughter approved, but I think she will forgive my transgression. Our days together are growing fewer, so what is one more embarrassment.

Tonight's quote is from a woman who understood motherhood, and saw the humor in the madness; "Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids." ~Erma Bombeck

Parenthood

I am one in a legion of many, I am a parent. Worse than that I am a mother! You remember what mothers are, we are that half of the parent team that are blamed for all the ills when our children one day lay down at a therapist's office and complain about their lives. We are the ones that seem to have some inexplicable sense of knowing where all things are, for every member of the family. Unfortunately, we are the brunt of many jokes when we become in-laws. Some of us can be over bearing, over protective, and over indulgent, but what we all have in common is that relentless, never ending job, with the worse pay known to man, of raising future adults.

I am preparing to take my daughter to visit a college. These visits are to help shape her decision regarding her future, which frankly hadn't really hit me until a few moments ago. It just came down on me like a ton of bricks that my little chick is leaving the nest. I don't say preparing because the reality is that I have been preparing her since birth. 

I am blessed to have had the great fortune of having this person, my child, grace my life as she has. She is beautiful, intelligent, stubborn and outspoken. Qualities, that as much as I sometimes hate to admit to myself, she got honestly (the not so nice ones from me). My child is kind, considerate of others, with the exception at times being me. This is completely natural and understanding, after all she is not perfect, just close enough to perfection.

So here I am, with the great realization that next year at this time she will be in the midst of embarking on a journey that she will make mostly on her own with me in the distance. No longer on the sidelines, ready to scoop her up if she fell, no longer in front leading her by her hand. She will be doing this with the tools I have tried to give her and now I have to find a new role within her life and the definition of mother.

Still my job is not done, a mother's job never is. I have many new milestones to look forward to. Graduation, her first apartment, a wedding and God willing to see her step into this role of motherhood, one day herself. Scary thought isn't it. I just have to learn to let go of the child and wait on the future of the young woman, who hopefully will still need her mom from time to time.

When I look into those big brown eyes, I still see the baby they placed in my arms. Taking her to college I see the five year old, whose bus I followed on her first day in kindergarten. I kid you not, I am anxious and perhaps a bit wistful that the days where I was a Goddess in her eyes, incapable of mistakes and omnipotent knowing all the answers to her endless queries are behind me now. She will forever make me proud in all she endeavors, and in return makes me proud of a job well done, in rearing her. 

Funny though, I am still looking for the manual that should have come with her at birth, because somewhere there should be a reset button!

Quote for the day and please read and think on this one; "The moment a child is born; the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother never. The mother is something absolutely new."~Rajneesh

Truth and Justice

Dr Martin Luther King, Jr once said; "Difficult and painful as it is, we must walk on in the days ahead with an audacious faith in the future. When our days become dreary with low-hovering clouds of despair, and when our nights become darker than a thousand midnights, let us remember that there is a creative force in this universe, working to pull down the gigantic mountains of evil, a power that is able to make a way out of no way and transform dark yesterdays into bright tomorrows. Let us realize the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice." 

What is justice? According to the dictionary it is defined as the following;(1)the quality of being just; righteousness, equitableness, or moral rightness: to uphold the justice of a cause. (2)rightfulness or lawfulness, as of a claim or title; justness of ground or reason: to complain with justice. (3) the moral principle determining just conduct. (4) conformity to this principle, as manifested in conduct; just conduct, dealing, or treatment. (5) the administering of deserved punishment or reward.

I thought that we should start with understanding what it is we are seeking, for Trayvon Martin and his family.. I have heard television pundits and experts go on analyzing this tragedy since the news broke. I have also heard many people turn the tables on the victim, accusing him of being one who sought out trouble. Some painted him out to be a drug user, and headed on the wrong path. Recently D.L. Hughley addressed those accusations with a heartfelt letter to Trayvon Martin.

When we seek justice we are also seeking truth. Although it seems to have been elusive, truth is there, beneath the layers. Earlier this afternoon we heard the Special Prosecutor Angela Corey from Florida announced that charges had been filed. So here are a few truths for you to ponder while George Zimmerman sits in protective custody. George Zimmerman was charged forty-five days after Trayvon Martin was killed. Forty-five days after his parents were given devastating news, news that no parent should ever hear. 

Another truth is that this is not the first time the town of Sanford Florida has faced controversy regarding race. In 1946 this small town created a stir with a Black athlete by the name of Jackie Robinson. I am sure you are familiar with the name, he was the first African American baseball player to play in the Majors. When he came into town for Spring training with the Brooklyn Dodgers the restrictions of segregation were placed on him. Jackie Robinson was not permitted to eat with his team mates, nor was he allowed to share the same locker room. He was advised to stay in another town, rather then stay with the team. When the "good" citizens of Sanford became aware of Mr. Robinson's presence they confronted the mayor of this small town. They made it impossible for the Royals to participate in a pre-season game and forced Jackie Robinson and his wife to flee to neighboring Daytona. The result was that the Dodgers pulled up stakes and moved their spring training facility out of Sanford to Daytona.

So here we are again, sixty-six years after the Dodgers pull stakes. Forty-five days after Trayvon Martin was killed. With the passage of time, they say all wounds are healed, but I propose something else. With the passage of time, we look at where we were and if we see we haven't moved forward, we break out into a mad dash to get ahead. This way someone isn't looking back some sixty-six years later and realize we have been stagnant for too long.

Tonight no quote, just lyrics from a song. "Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do, No need to kill or die for and no religions too, Imagine all the people, Living life in peace"~John Lennon, Imagine

Shock and Awe

Yesterday I wrote the poem,"The Mother In Me", for Trayvon Martin's mother. She came across my mind a lot today, with the conversation turning back to his killer George Zimmerman. Yes I said killer, because no matter how you slice it, George Zimmerman killed Trayvon Martin. 

Frankly, little in this world shocks me anymore. The older I get the more jaded I seem to become. I have lived to see the ugliness that man can subject his brethren to, without batting an eye. Gone are the days of my innocence and naivety, having to leave them behind, and as my innocence fades away, so does my perception of the world.
Then late last night, here I was witnessing something, which admittedly did send me back to the border of Shockville. Actually as I think about it more, I have to say I found it to show the utter gall and lack of remorse from George Zimmerman. Until last night we have only heard from his attorneys (who quit today), his father, brother and two of his neighbors, his only saving grace was that he hid and kept his mouth shut. Now things have changed. 

Not only did this man decide to take the platform, he chose the Internet to do so. The gall to which I am referring is in his lame attempt to appeal to the public for funds, he does not apologize, or even take the high road and say something like the events were tragic for all. Instead he goes on playing the victim and expresses how his life has been affected. Below is a direct quote from the site.

"I have been forced to leave my home, my school, my employer, my family and ultimately, my entire life."

He goes on to assert, "all facts will come to light". There is an American flag front and center, which I am certain, was strategically placed there to profess his being a patriot. Upon further examining of this website you can see it's an attempt is to get money. Zimmerman is kind enough to inform the general public that any other site in his name that is collecting money for his legal defense, is not going to him, so please send to his PayPal.  Throughout this cheap, pathetic attempt of a website there are quotes. Quotes that I wonder if Zimmerman truly understands what the words meant to their author.  I know a thing or two about quotes, as you my readers know. The one that bears question to his judgment was this one especially; "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil, is that good men do nothing" - Edmund Burke

Just what does George Zimmerman mean to imply with this quote? That he was merely being a stand-up guy defending the neighborhood from evil? That Trayvon personified that evil on that rainy night in February? Well let me school you Mr Zimmerman, to start with it is not Edmund Burke who said those words, although it is incorrectly attributed to him. The actual quote is as follows; "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."

Please note the words and the order in which they are said. The meaning is a simple one, it is that evil is not neutral and if society stops resisting evil it will grow and spread. It also more simply puts in a call to society not to be complacent, but where ever ones sees evil, depravity, callousness or contempt it is up to us to resist and correct the problem. 
For example the protests and demand for YOUR arrest Mr Zimmerman. The facts are simple, you a citizen, not an officer killed an unarmed teen. You, George Zimmerman, say your entire life is gone; well you took the life of a young man who had yet to embark on his, he was still a child. His mother can only cry for him, and as for us, well, we won't rest until justice is done.

This quote is for George Zimmerman; “It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution” ~Oscar Wilde 

The Mother In Me

The mother in me wants to scream

The mother in me wants to cry

The mother in me sighs and knows, 

"There but by the grace of God go I"

The mother in me is hurt

The mother in me is scared for all the sons and daughters who wear hoodies on their heads 

The mother in me asks why 

The mother in me prays 

The mother in me hopes that this pain will go away, 

For another mother who lost her child on that fateful day

The mother in me won't stop until justice is won

The mother in me, is a mother like you

Only difference is we live by different rules, 

Because you say my child does not count, 
nor hers too

Simply because our color is a different hue

Easter Bunnies and what not

When I was young I always wondered what chocolates and a bunny had to do with Easter. I enjoyed hunting for eggs, another confusing thing because eggs come from chickens, and like most kids I loved candy, so the hunt was on. Then as I grew up and Easter baskets were meant for the younger, I left the mythology of bunnies and eggs alone, but always held the question in my head.

Then I went to college and studied art, I also studied religion. The link between the two go hand in hand, being that most artisans of history had benefactors and sponsorship from the church. Upon studying DaVinci's Last Supper, I realized I was looking at a Seder dinner. Funny how I never really put Passover and Easter together until then. Still though, no bunnies. My quest as to where the Easter Bunny came from began again.

Then after much research and asking theologians, the relationship was made clear to me. The Roman Catholic Church was the first church of Christianity, think of them as the grande dame for all other Christian religions. They had a large task ahead of them, having acquired this new faith they felt it was their responsibility to convert as many as possible and bring them into the fold.  Problem  was that the other predominant religions were Pagan based, they had their own structure, which strongly opposed what was being espoused by the church. Whereas Roman Catholics were a patriarch based religion, Pagans were matriarch; in order to incorporate and make Pagans more willing to come over the church chose to incorporate some celebrations that were linked to that of the church's calendar. Easter fell near the Spring Equinox, and it was festival time for the Pagans, which meant feasting on May Wine and lots of treats. See where I am going here, one central figure was the rabbit, a symbol of fertility and new beginnings, as was the egg. The newness of flowering trees and the return of warm weather were seen as an awakening. The church also shared the Jewish calendar. Remember Leonardo's painting? This is how we know The Last Supper was most likely a Seder meal. So now all of my questions were answered, but today I have a new one.

This past Easter Sunday, when many Christians got up to do their egg hunt with the kids, go to church to praise a renewal of their faith, and the Jewish community was in the midst of celebrating Passover, why are we so lost? The other day five African Americans were shot for the color of their skin, sadly three died. In Sanford Florida, a young man was killed forty-five days ago, and still the question hangs as to whether or not his shooter should be arrested. The Justices are debating the merit of a Healthcare system that benefits the whole of our society. Mind you this issue is being debated by those who have insurance coverage. There are homes still being foreclosed, because banks still don't want to part with money. Lack of funding in new technology is making us fall behind, and burn fossil fuels which is adding to the global warming problem, (and believe me it is a problem when the only major snow in the Northeast comes before Halloween and F-4 tornadoes come early in the season). And the problem list goes on and on. So where is our renewal? 

Have we become so insular that the word inclusion has left our lexicon? What I mean by this is when did we stop thinking about one another and only think of ourselves? Perhaps we all should take some time between the chocolate bunny ear snacking and matzoh ball soup to think of our neighbors and community. Only good can come from selflessness, we have already reaped enough from selfishness. I for one am ready for new change of pace. Hopefully I have given you something to chew on, aside from treats that is. 

In the meantime let's try an experiment, for one week do an act of kindness for a stranger. I am curious how that may effect positive change in the world, in return as them to pay it forward to another stranger. If you decide to try this with me, come back to my blog and comment about your gift of kindness. I firmly believe that just hearing about it may encourage others to follow suit.

You know I have to leave you with a quote, so here are two. I purposefully chose from these specific people due to the way they led their lives with principle. Carol Moseley Braun broke down some color barriers and is a woman of conviction. Elliot Richardson is one of my obscure heroes, his having been a Republican and all, he refused a direct order from then President Nixon to fire the special prosecutor during Watergate, he had integrity. I think we can all use a little of that in our lives.

"I really think that's the key, part of the spiritual renewal that America needs to have, the notion that we really can have confidence in a better tomorrow."~Carol Moseley Braun

"If there are flaws they are in ourselves, and our task therefore must be one not of redesign but of renewal and reaffirmation, especially of the standards in which all of us believe."~ Elliot Richardson

Racism: America's Dirty Secret

I am certain there are many of you who will say, that this is no secret, but I beg to differ. As Americans we lie to ourselves, and say we are enlightened. Racism exists in the backwoods somewhere, not here with civilized people such as ourselves. How I wish this were true, reality is that like any disease, racism is insidious. Like cancer it finds a healthy area, latches on and begins to mutate and alter it. Eventually it corrupts and creates illness which can lead to death. This is what ignorance and distorted views bring upon our society. Like cancer, if you ignore it, it doesn't heal, you only give it a chance to grow and permeate other healthy areas until there is no healthy tissue left.

The topic of race has become a source of conversation, jump started by the killing of Trayvon Martin. For a moment there was a flurry of tweets, blogs and newscasts dedicated to examining the why and how, this young man was profiled and ultimately killed.  Profiled not by police, but, by a man with a gun, who took the definition of NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH to include shooting a kid, armed with a bag of Skittles, Arizona Ice Tea and a cell phone. 

It had been my hope, that this tragic event would finally have been the call for us to get our act together and address a long ignored diseased issue of our society. To my utter lack of surprise, many of us are already moved onto the next issue. Although I do not have the solution, I did make a decision, this blog will consistently discuss the case of George Zimmerman and the death of Trayvon Martin until I can say I have done my part in keeping the conversation going. 

Fortunately, I am not alone. This week on CNN, Anderson Cooper is also making this the subject of his show AC360. Other news outlets are still talking about it, although maybe not to the degree that it had been discussed when this story first broke. If more of us keep making this an issue of importance, others too will hear the cry to end racism in America and openly discuss in order to find a way to heal the deep wounds that still exists in our country. After all, how enlightened can we be if we never come to grasps with correcting this situation?

Here we are, almost a month and a half later, still no arrest and still many unanswered questions. The only person who honestly knows what occurred on that rainy night in a town-home community, in Sanford Florida is George Zimmerman. As the saying goes in finding answers there are three versions, his, the other involved and in between lies the truth. Many experts are re-examining 9-1-1 calls, alleged witness statements and police reports, while we, the public do a lot of supposition. 

The question rests in the why's. Why did this young unarmed man die? Why did George Zimmerman exit his vehicle after being told not to follow? Why did he assume Trayvon was "on drugs" and "looked as though he was up to no good"? And the biggest, why did he shoot him? I do not believe we will ever know the truth to these questions, but I am holding out faith that we will take the time to re-examine not just George Zimmerman, but ourselves and the way we approach and judge other races.

Coincidentally this week marks the fiftieth anniversary of one of my favorite movies, To Kill A Mockingbird. This movie from 1962, examined race and how prejudices can interfere with justice. This movie displayed the ills of 1930's race relations in the 1960's. Today, fifty years later we still deal with the same issues and ignorance. Perhaps in fifty years we can finally be on another chapter and verse regarding this subject. 

In honor of Harper Lee's incredible work I leave you with two quotes from the novel to think on.

"Why reasonable people go stark raving mad when anything involving a Negro comes up, is something I don't pretend to understand." - Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

and

"Real courage is when you know you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.” ― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird 

for Trayvon Martin