GRATITUDE

I know that I have been “offline” for a moment. Sometimes life has plans for you, other than the ones that you had for yourself. When that happens you can fight it, or grab on and make adjustments. Fortunately I am one adapting gal! I thank those of you who are reading for the welcome back.

Every Christmas holiday season I can be found at some point on my sofa wrapping gifts, while watching Frank Capra’s  “It’s a Wonderful Life”.  To me, the holiday season does not really begin until I see that movie and hear Nat King Cole sing “The Christmas Song”.  There is just something that makes me feel absolutely blissful when I hear Jimmy Stewart scream “Thank you Clarence, thank you, you old Building and Loan!” The message in this movie is one of appreciation and gratitude; simple lessons, for a man who felt so desperate in the beginning of the movie. I am sure you are all wondering just where is my head, talking about Christmas, when we are in the middle of July. Recently, I was fortunate to feel like George Bailey myself.

Over the past year and a half I have had to overcome a lot of health issues and at times fight my way back from some major setbacks. There were times that my family didn’t know what my outcome would be and we all had to depend on faith. Through it all, I had an ace up my sleeve. It wasn’t a miracle drug, or geniuses imparting all their knowledge on me alone.  No, my ace was my faith in my friends and family.

The thing about life that I had enjoyed was its unpredictability. That surprise element tended to keep me on my toes. Although I tried to live my life as stable as possible, I have to be honest and tell the truth, flying by the seat of my pants had a thrill that I rather delighted in. Problem is, those unforeseen twists in the fabric called life are not always good, pleasurable or wanted. I had a few of those in my lifetime that I wish had never been laid on my path.  Divorce. Single parenthood. Starting over. Disease. These were a few of the things that I could have lived to be one hundred and been perfectly content to never have encountered. Still there they were, on my path and if I still wanted to move forward, I had to make my way over them, through them or stay stuck under them. I chose to barrel through them, making myself stronger in the process.

It is cliché to say I never knew my own strength, but it’s true. I knew I was a forceful and formidable woman, but even I would have a breaking point, surely. I have yet to meet mine. I have been at the brink of death, and still I was able to keep my wits about me, and reassure those closest to me that everything would be fine. Even though none of us knew what my outcome would be. Not my doctors, my husband, my children, or parents. What I knew was, that  I was tired, and facing battle yet again and needed something greater than me to get me through. That is when I had my George Bailey moment. I asked for good thoughts, positive energy and prayers. Everyone I knew began to send me well wishes, and positive energy and it began to fill my soul and spirit. My body began to heal, and my momentum was moving forward in a positive direction onto a path of wellness.

I am firm believer of positive energy. I believe that when you surround yourself with good thoughts, good wishes and prayers you can only have a good outcome. Recently, my MS began to act up, making me blind and struggling to do anything, again I sent out a call to my friends and family, and again they rallied behind me, before I knew it I was feeling like myself and getting back to my normal.  In my mind’s eye I could hear the angels taking calls from all the prayers that were coming in, just as was in the opening scene of  “It’s a Wonderful Life”.  Knowing that I had my family, cousins, friends (old and new) rallying in support for me gave me that extra lift that I needed to propel me yet again in the right direction.

What this did for me was fill me with an overwhelming sense of gratitude, and I was humbled. Humility is not foreign to me, nor is the absolute heartfelt feeling of being thankful. I just wanted to make certain that you all knew how thankful I am. Thankful for those who surround me at times of need, and those who answer my call when I feel my load is too much for me to carry alone.

This blog post is to all of you, just to say these words, “Thank you! Thank you for the prayers, words of encouragement and thank you for your support. You are my ace up my sleeve. Most of all, thank you for my George Bailey moment.”

As always I can’t sign off without a quote to emphasize my post, so here it goes. Until next post.

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” ― Marcel Proust

“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.”

― Anthony Robbins

and finally

“'Thank you' is the best prayer that anyone could say. I say that one a lot. Thank you expresses extreme gratitude, humility, understanding.” ~ Alice Walker

Social Interactions

Since I have been on Twitter, another part of the world has opened up to me. I am used to interacting on the internet. My first social media experience happened back in 1993. My then husband had bought a new PC for the household, and there it was, a dial up modem and PRODIGY. I found my way into a chatroom and being ever the social butterfly I jumped right into the conversation. It was different to "talk" via text, eventually I became a pro and moved to  the newer social media access, AOL. This time I was going through a divorce, was a new mother and had a lot of solitude, since in my infinite wisdom had agreed (while I was married), to move to the woods of New York. I was  away from my family and civilization; also known as New York City.

AOL provided me a place to escape, and discover myself. I found supporting people and made actual friends in a chatroom known as Ebony Over Thirty (more affectionately known as EO30). I changed careers because of my exposure to the internet and my interactions on it. I returned to school to become a web designer and programmer.  I was able to make a good living at this new career, my kid was doing well, and I just purchased a new town home. Life was GRAND! Then things changed, drastically. As I previously discussed in a blog entry; 10 Things I Learned About Myself, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.  Funny though, as much of a chatroom personality I was, when first diagnosed I retreated away from the internet. I withdrew and told myself I had to focus on my illness. 

The reality was I didn't want to be reminded of all the things I would no longer be doing. The distance between me and the "net" didn't last long. It was on the internet I met my new husband. Then the ever changing internet had new avenues for me to explore. Like the millions of others, I joined Facebook. Suddenly people I hadn't spoken with since high school, college, and even a few from camp reunited with me. Mind you, the only reason I joined was due to family pressure; so they could see pictures of my children. Before you knew it I became a Facebook status junkie, chatting, and once again rejoining my old chatroom buddies of EO30. I was able to "like" things, and get poked, but, like most everything the novelty wore off. Then came Twitter.

What made my experience with Twitter so different from the others is I was able to establish my own social circle. Following those with similar tastes, hobbies and or interests. I began writing this blog and when I post, share it on Facebook and Twitter. One day I tweeted about my MS. What this simple 140 character mention did, was allow me to meet others like me, people with MS. Under normal circumstances, I would not seek out MS support groups, or those with the illness. I meet people everyday who tell me they have a family member, friend or know of someone that "suffers" from this disease.  Occasionally, I meet other people who have it as well. Each time a part of me has that kindred sigh of welcome to the club, sucks to be a member feeling come over me. Thanks to the internet I can speak with those who can truly relate to my situation.  The truth is I am grateful for the internet, for allowing me and more importantly giving me a place to learn and grow. 

Imagine my dismay, when yesterday after I logged on this incredible tool; that allows us all to see the world isn't so big, but rather small when you make connections; I witnessed bullying. Seriously? This is what we have decided makes great use of our time?  Yesterday afternoon, Sherri Shepherd Comedienne/Actress and Co-Host of ABC's The View received vile threats on Twitter. I saw this happening since I happened to follow her. I was disgusted by what was being said to her. It dawned on me that maybe we need a new App for access to the net. If you want access, maybe you should need to take a psychological exam first. This way we can weed out the drama prone. I know it's a bit drastic, but when I hear of children bullying other children with the internet so much so that there is a name for it; Cyber Bullying, one has to wonder if irrational measures should be taken.  The crass idiot who was threatening Ms Shepherd, told her he was merely exercising his right of free speech. This is not so, Free Speech is when you disagree with something or someone or have a thought or idea and express it. These do not include "I hope you get raped" or "Die". That line of thinking is threatening, as well as vile. I am not an advocate for policing the written word, but somehow we need to educate people on how to behave when on the net, and find a way to make such behaviors unacceptable. At least enough to deter this from happening as often as it does.

I have to say the internet has given me a lot. When my physical body became weak and unable to travel the world as it once had, it was still available to me through cyberspace. When I had felt lonely, there were friends, old and new, accessible through this medium. The internet has come a long way since the days of logging on with a dial-up modem. Social media has become the way we communicate with one another. Today not only on our computers, but it is accessible on our phones, televisions, hand held devices and video game consoles. The majority of people are getting their news over the internet. I have seen the creations of sites such as YouTube, Instagram and many others become second nature in a search. Corporations are also taking advantage and joining in with creating pages and accounts on the most popular social media venues. Maybe technology has finally surpassed our society and we need new rules, but I think the problem is simpler than that, one that we all have thought or said not giving much credence to it. This wonderful place and new way of communicating has eroded the ability to truly speak with one another. Maybe we spend so much time speaking in shorthand and living our lives anonymously, we have forgotten how to talk and to listen. If there was no anonymity on the net I suspect a lot of the crude, crass and bullying talk would come to an end. 

This blog ends with one quote and one thought;

“If you bully somebody face to face, and they get upset, you see them cry and be hurt. When it's over the Internet, you can't see the emotional reaction and go along thinking it's no big deal."~ Robin Kowalski

It takes a coward to be vile and vicious with no provocation.  You might feel big and bad when you attack someone with words, but in actuality you only expose yourself for the little person you feel that you are and your inadequacies. Find another outlet for your rage, get help, because at the rate of speed communication over the internet is changing, you may no longer be that faceless bully. When that happens I am willing to bet, you will become a victim yourself. with the rest of us pointing out your failings. Comments are welcomed!