Nursery Rhymes and Shakespeare Oh My!

Do you remember that old nursery rhyme about an old woman who swallowed a fly?  She swallowed a spider to capture the fly, then swallowed some more crap, rather then just spit the spider out!  I mean what was she doing to swallow a spider to begin with?  Was it a dare at the retirement home? Yeah, well I never got it either as a kid. What I do know is that there are medications out there, that for whatever ghastly reason we must take in order to get better, but no one focuses on the side effects.

Recently I became a raging loon. I can say that now because I know who I am, I am well aware of my faults. I am outspoken, loud and brash. I prefer to think of them as qualities to my endearing personality. Until last week! 

Before I continue, I must first apologize to my patient husband, who was made a victim to my recent lunacy, and my teenage daughter. Somehow the little one escaped the complete insanity, most likely because at four years of age she is on her own crazy trajectory, little people are not sane. This period of time found us becoming buddies, as I her mother, slowly disappeared into a crazed monster. 

I had to undergo a treatment of IV Cortical Steroids. Now let me expand on this for you to completely understand. I had an IV with steroids being pumped into me for three days.  The "benefit" of this was to bring down the swelling on my nerves, so that I could function once more. This is not the first time that I have had to undergo this course of care, but it is the first time that I am going to write and tell the tale of me and steroids. Frankly, I normally stay in the hospital for the week when undergoing this treatment because I am in need of physical therapy as well. Not this time, and someone should have warned my husband what fate awaited him.

I have heard the typical warnings of steroids, like most of you, the rages, acne, burst of strength. What I had been clueless too were how these are coupled at once when given a dose via the IV. Steroids do not effect everyone the same way, but the vast majority of people on them do suffer. What they should do is warn the family members that shortly after beginning the course a monster may be unleashed in their midst and to take cover. 

I will begin to describe how after the first half hour of the IV, everything that I drank, including water tasted like metal. Not that I have made a habit in my life to consume chrome, but I imagine that if I were to start, this is what it would taste like.  This was merely the beginning...

It is hard to find the words to explain the hunger that overcame me next. Only complicated by that "everything tastes like metal thing" going on in my mouth, I wanted FOOD! Evidently, when on steroids not all foods are what you crave, this would be too simple. I craved salty foods, which compounds the other side effect of water retention. Now does any of this sound like fun to you?  Regardless, I ate, limiting what I took in, because my hunger is scaring me a bit, and what is more I am getting scared that the metal taste is now becoming acceptable and a little palpable.

Would it be too much to ask that this be the end? Of course, because that was within the first hour, we have a few more days to go here.  Let's get to psycho. Psycho would be the mental deterioration that my mind begins to go into after I am done with the first course. Psycho is the woman that cried at commercials and wept at the story of a puppy that wound up in a cactus. I am not given to outbursts of emotions, but I was going from happy, nay mania, to depression to absolute anger over the most banal things. At one point my mind dare allowed itself to day dream getting into a fight with Iron Mike Tyson! Asides from arrogance to think I had a chance with anyone, what kind of crazy does a person have to be to even envision fighting Mike Tyson?! I dread the idea to further explore that thought process.

Alas, if it were only a tale of being an emotional roller coaster, there are more side effects yet to be explored. One thing my body seems to want me to do is find all its got to give when it came to side effects. Next came the freezing sensation. Freezing is an understatement, to more accurately describe this feeling would require you to take two poles of dry ice and insert them where your leg bones are. Freezing would have been a welcomed friend compared to this! When this sensation finally decides to leave another side effect pops up for good measure. 

The hits just keep coming. I am now going into the next phase, and for me this means acid reflux, heartburn and other pleasantries. My stomach acted as though I went on some acid ingestion bender and it was determined to teach me a lesson. How attractive am I at this point, with belching now being done by me, as if it were an event in the Summer Games this year in London and I was in training.

All of this is only met with the lack of sleep. Remember that line from Shakespeare in Hamlet's soliloquy; "To sleep, perchance to Dream; Ay, there's the rub, For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come"; well I suspect that the young Dane prince was coming off of steroids. I am still going without sleep a week later. This can be great if you are in need of studying for college finals, or finishing a project for work, but when your only job is to get bed-rest to get better, insomnia is not the most effective side effect.

So, to conclude, I had been reduced to tears, fits of rage (with the added bit of delusion; see Mike Tyson), feeling so cold I burned, following an insatiable need to eat massive quantities of food, followed by heartburn so bad I hated myself, and bursts of energy and the inability to close my eyes to sleep for one moment. Yes, I know about side effects, and I suffer from them, and I am not alone. This is what I have to go through to get better, sadder than that, it is what my family has to deal with in the wake of my steroids.
Just think, this blog entry was  based on only day one! 

To leave you without a quote would be so unlike me, so here it goes;

"Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you - all of the expectations, all of the beliefs - and becoming who you are." - Rachel Naomi Remen

"You can set yourself up to be sick, or you can choose to stay well."~ Wayne Dyer

10 Things I Learned About Myself

You know there is an old adage that says; "That which does not kill you, makes you stronger" and another one that is often touted about; "God does not give anything that you cannot handle". Growing up, upon hearing bad news, I would listen to adults say these phrases to others in need of solace.  I had begun to think it must have been in the bible, or these people had an insight that I had yet to understand. To me these were merely words of comfort. Little did I know how those very same words would re-enter my life. As some of you already know I have Multiple Sclerosis, MS for short. I have never really discussed my illness with others, I just gloss over it. I tend to say "I have MS" with the same tone that I would say; "I have to go to the Post Office" or "I have a toothache". No big fanfare, no grand pause, just a flat statement. I suppose upon much introspective self examination, (you know me and the self-realizations), I thought I would make it a topic in my blog, at least once.

To begin at the beginning; I am approaching my tenth anniversary, not of my marriage, or graduation, but of my diagnosis. There isn't one MS patient out there who doesn't remember their diagnosis date. This is the date our world crashes around us, when the earth drops out from under our feet, and when the universe and our own body seems to have teamed up to engage in a game of betrayal so great, we don't know how we will overcome it.  A few of us, sadly do not, and enter into a world of depression that it takes them before the disease can. This is not MY fate. I won't let this be my fate. 

Let me tell you how this all began, back in 1995 I threw a party for my online friends. We were all laughing and having a good time. I was single, and pretty much was getting more than just my flirt on. There was a point that I as hostess, got up to the stage to thank them all for showing up and suddenly I fell. It was as if someone cut the strings from a marionette, BOOM, down I went. I got up and played it off, some thought I had too much to drink, unbeknownst to them I had consumed no alcohol. It was jarring to me, but figured I would deal with it later. It didn't happen again for a long time. Then fast forward to 2002. I had a morning routine, get up with my daughter, get her ready for school, go for a run, come home, shower, dress, get to work. Same thing everyday, Monday through Friday, but for some reason I was tripping when I ran. I would look around for holes in the ground, none could be found. Then one day while at work, I felt dizzy and hot. I thought I had the flu and asked to go home, my boss refused, and after she left I knew I had to get home. Delirious, I drove home and went straight to bed. I took a nap, but when I awoke my world was altered, FOREVER. Everything that I knew to be true about me, my life, my dreams were about to be torn asunder, for when I woke from that blissful nap I had no use of my legs. I couldn't feel them, control them, they were no longer my legs. The same legs that let me run, climb trees as a kid, chase my own child around and held me steady as I carried her back to her bed countless times, were no longer there. They were no more. 

The event: I was burning up, I thought if I got into the tub I could cool myself off and whatever was happening to me would end. I low crawled (for all you army personnel you know of what I speak), to the bathroom I went. Once I got there I did not have the strength to hoist myself into the tub. I low crawled back into my bedroom, everything took forever. Then I had to do the hardest thing I ever had to do thus far in my life. Harder than filing for divorce eight years earlier, harder than starting over as a single mom, harder than rebuilding my life. I had to call my mother! My mother had been watching my child after school and I was due to pick her up soon.

These were my words to her; "Mom, I don't know what is wrong with me, but I can't feel my legs or use them. Make arrangements for someone to watch over Danielle and meet me at the hospital, I am losing consciousness and might be having a stroke. Please don't cry mom. I will be okay, but I have to go now and call 9-1-1,.. I love you."

I hung up and dialed 9-1-1. I told the dispatch I was alone on the top floor of my townhouse, and suspected I was having a stroke and losing consciousness. They informed me that I had to get downstairs, and open the door or they would have to break it down. Now, if you know anything about me, you know there is no way I am having my door broken in. I assured her that by all means necessary I was going to find a way to get downstairs and open that door. I hung up, and did the only thing I knew how to do, I prayed. I had not been to church in a long time, but my faith had never faltered. I knew I had a relationship with God and asked him to help me. I prayed just as I had numerous times before, I prayed as I did when I was a child, I closed my eyes and turned my fears over. Somehow, at the end of my prayer I found myself in front of my door, just as the police and paramedics arrived, upon seeing them I passed out.

The hospital: My father had been the one first to enter my door when the cavalry arrived. He rode in the ambulance with me, I had no idea, I was still knocked out. Evidently, in the E.R. the doctors surmised from my condition I was dying. My heart stopped once due to my high fever and came back. Then they attempted to do a spinal tap, I was in and out of delirium. My father, himself a doctor, was the one who would up end up doing my spinal tap. Many doctors were treating me at this time, and then they decided to send me in for a CAT-SCAN, but the machine was down. The alternative turned out to be my saving grace, an MRI. This MRI allowed one neurologist to see what it was, and what was happening to me. It wasn't Lyme Disease, it wasn't encephalitis, it wasn't a brain tumor, and I wasn't going to die, at least not then and there.

The diagnosis: By now I was in a room, and conscious, with my parents around me, my daughter, now at their home was with my sister. I knew I would be fine, I could feel their love and it was all that I needed. Then a doctor walked in the room and asked to speak with me alone. He pulled out the MRI films and showed me my brain. He spoke slowly with concern; "I am afraid that I have some bad news, your films show you have Multiple Sclerosis. Do you understand me?" I nodded, I knew what this was, I suspected it back when I was tripping. I asked for ten minutes, before he sent in my parents. I took those ten minutes to cry, I cried for the cards I had just been dealt, for the life that was abruptly changed. I screamed into my pillow, screamed for the anger I had at the betrayal my body just gave me, a body I had been caring for and depended on. Then I wept, I wept for all the things that in one fell swoop, had just been taken out of my hands, with four words, "You have Multiple Sclerosis". My ten minutes were up, I gathered myself together as the doctor and my parents re-entered my room. I could see the devastation in my parents eyes, the pain that was inflicted on me was upon them as well now. I assured them I was fine, this will be fine, together we will be okay and not all is lost. I asked the doctor what do I do now. His answer was not reassuring, it was bleak. He proceeded to tell me all that I would most likely no longer be able to do, that there were medications to suppress my immune system and hopefully this was relapsing remitting MS. He left me with pamphlets and excused himself.

I was about to enter a new normal. I could accept that, but I would not accept was defeat. I was a mother with a child to raise, and no partner to pick up the slack. Whatever my new normal was, it was not going to be me giving up. I was going to go back home, to my townhouse with four levels, and I was going to continue life as I had always done. My mind was made up, and I never cried over my situation again. My lexicon was to include new words now; cortical steroids, exacerbation, immune suppressants, but they were meant for me to learn, not to let them limit me. 

The 10 things I learned about myself: It is amazing, in a time when all seemed dark, I found hope and possibilities. More than that, over the course of the past ten years I have learned much more and will share them with you.

1. I am strong. In part because I had the greatest support from a loving family. When I needed strength, I took it from them.
2. I can overcome challenges. I knew this before, I rebuilt my life when I was getting divorced and had to start over.
3. I had faith. Although I had not been to church in a long time, my faith in God did not waiver. It was my faith that held me when I needed it most.
4. I could be an example for good. I found myself having the opportunity to teach that anything is possible, and an obstacle is only meant to show you a new way around, not to stop you.
5. I was not resentful. Some people asked me if I ever blamed God, didn't I think it was unfair. If I asked myself; "Why me?". My reply is always the same; "Why NOT me? This could have been terminal cancer, or my sister could have been in my shoes, but I knew that I had the fortitude to deal with the situation, that maybe someone else couldn't.
6. I learned forgiveness. I found to heal my body, I knew I would need to heal my soul first, and forgive people for their wrongs as I hoped they would come to forgive my own transgressions. Without it, I feared I might be stuck, and I had no time to be stuck.
7. I learned to trust my instincts. I had suspected that something was wrong with me, and my doctors had assured me it was in my mind, or stress related. No, it was MS and had I trusted myself, perhaps I would have known sooner and not been side swiped on June 9, 2002.
8. I still had a life. I was not over, I was thirty-five, and was able to date and receive love if it came my way. Fortunately, it did in the form of the man who is now my husband and father of my youngest child.
9. I had a fully functioning mind. I may not be able to run, walk or do other activities that I took for granted, but I still had a mind and time on my hands to explore new avenues. I rediscovered my passion, for writing and here I am today, working on a novel and sharing my thoughts and wisdom in a blog.
10. I am grateful. Odd to some to hear me say this, but I had lived a full life. I traveled the world, participated in some pretty awesome things. I am a mom, recently for a second time and my best friend is my partner and I am able to lean on him, and he on me. Life is good because I am still here, and I have every intention to be here for a long time.

Surprise, no quotes other than to repeat the earlier ones that began this long entry. "That which does not kill you, makes you stronger" and  "God does not give anything that you cannot handle". I have come to find these are more than words of comfort, they are words of truth. No matter what you come across, no matter how devastating, you can surmount them. You have a strength and a will that maybe you have yet tapped into. So next time, when you think you can't do it, think again. Try and if you can't go through it, go around it. Obstacles are meant to be life learning lessons, not life stopping.

Epiphany!

When I was twenty, I thought that I knew everything, then I turned thirty and became aware of just how little I knew. Then when I turned forty, I wanted to go back in time, so I could slap myself at twenty.  I know that some of you are laughing right now, most likely if you are forty or above you know this statement to be true. Our twenties however, are for just that, to be senseless. We really should call them the "ignorant years".  This is the time in our lives when we act foolishly, with a brazen arrogance, and claim we made wise decisions. Not so, we were fools, with little to no life experience, just learning how to navigate through the world. The passage of time has allowed me to find that you are never too old to learn, nor are you too old to change. Sometime between going to bed and waking up I realized a few things and wanted to share them with you. What is now a growing knowledge for me is that it is hardest to really look at yourself. Strip away all the layers and truly expose yourself, to the rawest nerve and look beyond to see who you are. 

We all can learn from past mistakes and events from our lives. This is called growth. You grow up when you learn from those mistakes, and when you come across a similar circumstance, you know better. "You know better you do better" is what Dr. Maya Angelou has said on the subject, and she is correct. If we continue to repeat the same errors, it only proves we have learned absolutely nothing.

My own arrogance was coupled with knowledge that I was smarter than the average twenty something. A high intelligence quotient does not give you the authority, or know-how to escape the pitfalls of a burgeoning adulthood. That's right folks, burgeoning, because the human brain is not completely formed until we reach our twentieth year. By all sane thinking we shouldn't be allowed to do much at that age, but for most of us, by the time we are twenty, we are already on our own and out from under our parents authority. Not that I am an advocate to have children stay at home indefinitely, believe me I have one about to leave the nest, and as she heads off to college this coming fall, I see this time as my respite. Maybe that is why parents are so eager to let the young go off on their own, while they are still developing. Whatever the rationale, the reality is at twenty; we really have no business out there on our own.

To further examine just how foolish I was at twenty, I got married when I was just twenty years old. Just what in the world was I thinking? I shortchanged myself, depriving myself of the youthful time that I was supposed to be screwing up and making mistakes. I instead chose to be a responsible wife. My ex-husband, (yes that’s right ex, you really didn't think it was going to last did you?), was a bit older than me, for some ridiculous reason I thought it would work out. Instead what happened was I grew up, finally. When I was approaching my thirties it dawned on me; that I didn't marry for love, or money, but, just because he asked. This was not going to be the legacy I wanted for my newborn daughter; to settle with a man, just because. In the process of coming to my own self-realizations my ex-husband noticed too, that I was no longer the girl he married. Trust me, this did not make for fun times in our home. As a result I had to start over, but now I had a one year old on my hip. This time however, I was not in a rush, I was not seeking validation from another to make me feel whole. I decided to take responsibility for how I got to that point and where I wanted to be. I had to peel back my layers and take a microscope to me.

When you take account of your own actions and decision-making, good or bad; it is liberating.  I had to venture back into the world, with a renewed aspect of life. Things still weren't easy, but I learned along the way. I came to know who I was, and just what I wanted from this world. Slowly, I got there, and kissed plenty of frogs along the way, sometimes hoping one would turn into a prince. Alas, this was not my destiny, mine lied within myself. Only when I was completely free from the baggage of my youth, and clearly standing on my own, loving me and relying on myself for my own happiness, did I find love again. So when I tell you to stop and breathe, to take account your decisions; I speak from experience. You have the key to you own happiness, trust me, of this I know, and this was my epiphany!

Simply quotes to mull over as you think about what I have said;

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”~ Robert Frost

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.”~ May Sarton

The Common Denominator

No, I am not about to discuss math equations, but I am going to discuss another equation of sorts, a partnership. You ever sit back and watch a carousel? It is an interesting ride, as a child I would love getting on one of those horses, and go up and down, round and round with the music playing in the background. If I held on tight and closed my eyes, I would become transported to a magical place. Similarly, we (men and women), make the same choices when we get in relationships. To explain, we see a beautiful setting, hear the lull of the music, it is all alluring and we get on. We close our eyes, and fall into the ride, a ride I might mention, that really goes nowhere, it just goes around and around.  

Too many people find themselves repeating the same life patterns, having the same relationship with different partners.  The situation is always the same, the part you play is the same, with one exception, the partner across from you is different. The difference however, is only physical, the personality on the other hand; is the same as the first, second, or even the eighth person you began with. This does not mean you are doomed to this fate, as previously discussed in my other blog entries on the topic of love and sex, you make the choice and determine your own happiness.

Human beings require relationships to live. It is almost as necessary as water and air, in order for us to flourish and grow. These relationships however, are not limited to an intimate love relationship, they can be a parenting relationship, a friendship, even the relationship you have with a pet, yet most of us yearn for the companionship that a lover can give us. I purposefully chose that word, lover. Now get you minds out of the gutter, a lover is not only the man or woman you lay with. Just like most things in life we have blurred the lines between love and sex. Although the definition of a lover can mean a sexual partner, the truest context of the word is one who loves you. Perhaps it is that blurring between the lines that has helped us make the numerous mistakes in prior relationships. 

When choosing a lover as a partner, to love us and most of all, to receive our love we cannot always go with the heart. There are times when logic must intercede, and not permit us to continuously fall into the same trap, or we might as well be riding on that carousel. Recently, I have heard both men and women complain about the lack of finding a "good" man or "good" woman to share their lives. Women complain about men who cheat, use, abuse and leave them.  Men complain about women who seek out the financial aspect of their pocket, also cheat and lie, gaming them (the men) for their own benefit and leave when the next guy with more comes along. If any of these scenarios sound familiar to you, continue reading. 


The harshest thing I will say thus far is this; it is your own fault if you find yourself with that type of person in your life more than once. I hope you saw that I said more than once. Had you paid attention to all the signs, you would have known what this person was about. Remember, you invite people into your life, people do not go around grabbing folks off of the streets and force them to set up house. Dr Maya Angelou has said something that I hold onto when it comes to people, and it is an advice I hope you too will heed. "When someone tells you WHO they are, believe them." 


Simple, right? So if a woman looks to you to pay her bills and has no skill set to offer other than a pretty face, step aside and let her be someone else's headache. If a man constantly makes excuses for secret phone calls, or doesn't want to divulge much about himself, get to stepping, in the opposite direction and move on. No one is worth your tears while they are alive, but someone is deserving of your love. You need to remember that love is a gift, not an expectation. It is always easy to say "I love you", the hard part is showing it with action. No, cooking you a meal or two is not actively showing it, and his offering to pay for your nails to be done is not it either. Investing in getting to know you, your life and inviting you into theirs, willingly, now that is the first step in the right direction. So if you find yourself in a place with someone who makes you doubt yourself or your self worth, remember it is okay to leave. If you find yourself in the same situation again and again, well you are the common denominator, and it's time to change the script and get off the carousel.

As always I am going to leave you with some quotes to ponder on. 

"You can break my heart a million times, but I will not fear love. It is not Love that caused my pain, but caring for someone who could not feel my love"~unknown

"Those that go searching for love, only manifest their own loveless -ness. And the loveless never find love, only the loving find love. And they never have to seek for it." ~DH Lawrence

"The key to finding love is securing it within yourself, no one can complete you, love can only enhance you. Love yourself first."~unknown

A Dose of Reality

Love. Sex. Two words that continuously seem to find themselves intertwined, at times never belonging in the same paragraph, let alone in the same sentence. Contrary to popular belief, it isn't only women that fall for this trap. Human beings have an undeniable way of creating a situation in the mind, to justify our actions. We live in a world full of contradictions of our own making. He doesn't want a too promiscuous partner, but hope she will put out on the first date. She doesn't want the constraints of a commitment, but he better not be seeing anyone else. Some will claim the key to a good relationship is knowing someone well, but think that The Bachelor may actually be the road to a good relationship. Endless contradictions.

The confusion of such things extends as far back to when we were children, where young girls are lied to about a number of things regarding love, sex and men. We are bombarded with the handsome prince rescuing the princess, going off into happily ever after. Another, which was briefly explored in the movie He's Just Not That Into You, where we are told if someone picks on you, he likes you. It is no wonder that women grow up believing that they are going to get that magical ending and romance lies in the bedroom. Not so ladies, sex lies in the bedroom. Confusing sex for romance or love for sex is common, so you are not alone. Heck, I fell for that too when I was younger, but wisdom and experience has taught me differently.

The truth is sex is just that, sex. It can be enhanced when the feeling of love is involved, but it more than likely will not lead to love. These are the excuses we make, in order to justify the guilt one may suffer from, after engaging in the act. What we are prone to is the hypocrisy that women are not sexual beings, but can be made into sexual objects. As women we are told to be chaste, reserved and most of all that only sluts are promiscuous. If this were true, I strongly suspect the earth's population would be greatly under control.  

It is important for us all, (men and women), to understand a few things, one that sex is good. Second, if you are a mature adult, it is okay to have have a partner or more before your life is over, and finally, having sex does not mean you are in love even if it is called love making. I know of what I speak, trust me. The jig is up now fellas, I am going to tell the women the truth here, the whole truth. They (men) lie! They lie about loving you, caring for you and wanting to know you because their end goal is to get you in the sack. If you are willing to believe it, they can sell you anything, just  to get to that goal, so don't believe the hype. You must ask yourself how can a man I barely know love me? Have I met his friends? His family? If not, chances are he is selling you a tale of romance to meet his end goal. 

Now, don't worry guys, I got you covered, she lies too! Granted mostly to herself, in order to justify her being in the horizontal with you. She did want a relationship, she is looking for "the right guy" and sorry, but chances are she has had a few more lovers than she admitted to. A good rule of thumb for detecting the one's wanting more from you then just a roll in the hay, check where her confidence is. Does she seek reassurance? Is she too into your activities? Too eager to blend your life with hers? If so, realize that you are dealing with a potential emotional time bomb and if you invite her into the bedroom, be ready to invite her into all avenues of your life.

There is only one way to combat these potential dilemmas, HONESTY. We, all must learn to be brutally honest with one another when it comes to sex and love. If you  can't, stop playing with the adults and head back to the kiddie section of the pool. Brutal honesty does not mean being rude or curt, it means to tell the truth. Ladies, if you want a relationship no more head games. IT DOES NOT WORK! I do not care what Hollywood is telling you. There are men out there, that seek a partner and companionship, those are the men you need to find. Not the ones still playing the field. Men, there are women who are fine with the friends with benefits package, so stop feeding lines.

Most of all enough with asking for something that you yourself do not have. Frankly, I am annoyed with both the men and women who have these lists for the perfect mate for themselves, yet they do not possess these same qualities. If you desire certain things from a partner, first before stepping out the door, before placing an ad on Match.com, you MUST have those same qualities within yourself.  Start with your head, go to your heart and the rest will follow. For happiness, we have to do the simple thing, be honest with ourselves, then honest with others, prepare ourselves to receive and finally,...breathe and receive. Remember, you are the architect for your own happiness, no matter what it may be. To be single and have lovers, to be mated with your true love. It all lies within your grasp, but it is done with conscience choices, beginning with honesty.

You all know me and the quotes, so of course I have a few for you to think on;

• "Don't marry someone you would not be friends with if there was no sex between you."~William Glasser
• "We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love."~Tim Robbins 
• "And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course."~Khalil Gibran

For now, Dick Clark...so long

 That is how Dick Clark signed off every broadcast, and of those he had done many. I heard someone once describe him as an UBER-MERV GRIFFIN. For those of you not old enough to know who he was, he fathered more television than there were channels back in the day. Dick Clark had that same drive and work ethic. He was a host, creator, producer, and innovator for much of what we watch on TV today. For as long as I can remember, Dick Clark has been there, somewhere in the backdrop of my life on the television. 

Some of you may not truly appreciate the role that Dick Clark played in the fabric of American Music. Before we had iTunes, before we had videos on MTV, (yes, it actually used to show just videos), we had American Bandstand. This show allowed millions of teenagers, over the span of thirty-seven years, to see the rock groups, pop groups, and the idols that they listened to over the radio, live. It was almost like having mini concerts, right there in the center of the family living rooms. I learned the bus stop, and the hustle watching American Bandstand in the 70's, got "To Have Fun" with Cyndi Lauper in the 80's, and watched the magic of Michael Jackson throughout the years, all while watching American Bandstand. Here was a show that integrated before it was law, because one man saw music, and music alone. American Bandstand gave a format for all of America to see R&B acts, propelling Mo-town into the stratosphere. During an interview with Anderson Cooper after the death of Dick Clark, Berry Gordy said; "Had it not been for Dick Clark, Mo-town records and our acts might not be what they became. This is because of his (Dick Clark) efforts." 

Music was not his only area of expertise, as it happened, television was. He had gone on to produce countless shows. Amongst them was the $25,000 Pyramid. This game show lasted for years, and brought back the days of celebrities participating in a game show, with an average person. Think of it as Password meets Jeopardy. He, and renowned side kick Ed McMahon, hosted Bloopers and Practical Jokes. On this show we were able to see the flubs that had occurred during a taping of a variety of shows, followed by a good old fashioned prank. Here is a sample of those two ideas meeting at once.

You would think that producing shows, and having millions still look up to him as the eternal teenager, would be enough, but not for Dick Clark. In 1973 he created the American Music Awards, a show that dared to compete with the Grammy's, and like Midas, he struck gold again. Today, the show has a larger audience than its rival. 

It would seem that Dick Clark knew just what we wanted to see, most of the time this was true. He had his failures too, but none of them seem to have stopped him. There were other game shows, a talk show, and an evening variety show. Yet, rather than allow these set backs slow him down, he pushed on, found a new recipe and we ate it up. 

A native son of New York, he returned home and began a holiday tradition with us. We all can recall the ball drops at Times Square on New Year's Eve, with Dick Clark at the helm. Even his stroke didn't stop him, he made a recovery, and although not back to form completely, we had our friend back on the air, to help us usher in another New Year. 

No, life will not be the same now that he has left us. The soundtrack of my childhood, teens and adulthood always had him, DJ'ing the events in my life. It is safe for me to say that I will miss his presence. Dick Clark was, and will forever be irreplaceable. He was a legend and left a legacy that will live on in music, forever.

Ryan Seacrest, the heir apparent to Dick Clark (quickly following his mentor's work ethic and mantra), tweeted this upon the news of his passing.
"I am deeply saddened by the loss of my dear friend Dick Clark. He has truly been one of the greatest influences in my life. My thoughts and prayers are with his family.'


America has lost a friend with the passing of this legendary television icon. May his family and friends find comfort in the love we had for him as we send him off to a new bandstand with a choir of angels.

RIP Dick Clark. November 30th 1929 - April 18th 2012

Quotes are how I end my blog entries, so let us take a few from the man himself;

"I don't set trends. I just find out what they are and exploit them."~Dick Clark

"If you want to stay young-looking, pick your parents carefully."~Dick Clark

Now,...Let's Talk About SEX

Do I have your attention now? I bet I do. Amazing how such a small word can hold the attention of so many. The power of this word became apparent to me a while back.  When I first joined Facebook, I would post provocative questions in my status. First it was done just to entertain, but the constant observer in me delighted in the variety of responses I would receive. Granted, some were still too shy or intimidated to answer honestly, most likely due to the lack of anonymity. This is has never been the case for me. 

For the next few blog entries we are going to travel and delve into those various questions and peel back the shroud that still exists in our society when it comes to sex, men and women. Primarily sex and women.  The reason I have decided to visit this subject, is simply because we are already preoccupied with it. The proof is in the salacious stories we see bombarding our news, especially as of late with the newest Washington scandal involving the Secret Service and prostitutes. I am not going to dive into the politics of this latest scandal, we will have enough time for that, and I am certain that there will be plenty more to come. 

Today, I had a "tweet battle" (I swear that sounds like something out of Dr Seuss); with an acquaintance regarding women and sex.  It had been his assertion that women shouldn't have sex on the first date. Reason why? The man would not get into a relationship with them afterwards. This irritated me beyond belief. Please do not misinterpret what I am saying, I am not advocating for women across the nation to screw the first guy they see. Sex, however, is a biological impulse. It is also a physiological benefit to the parties when performing the act of sex. I am not making this up, you can check the facts with Dr. Oz, but I digress. It is not for the physical relief of pleasure that I say women can have sex on the first, second or last date, I say it because any two mature responsible adults can engage in sex for the fun of it without the baggage. Provided you leave the baggage at the door. Just realize why you are engaging in the act. Is it for the pleasure and relief? Or do you have an end goal other than an orgasm?

My twitter friend said; "More females than not (not all) who didn't wait wish they had waited a bit longer. Many stated that they felt cheap or used afterwards". I argued this and countered that if the woman is confident and self assured within her own sexuality there is no regret. Of course if the sex is bad, there may be some regret as to not having opted for the V8 rather than the bad bed partner. Someone else added that women who do have sex on the first date suffer from low self esteem. Again, I balk at this inference, for a woman with low self esteem, having sex on the first date, will feel just as bad had the sex occurred on the first or tenth. Reason being is that the sex was given with an ulterior motive. Ladies, I beg of you, stop thinking that your va-jay-jay is the Holy Grail. Just because you can do it right does not mean that the man will drop to his knees and beg you to stay with him. Too many women have been fooling themselves into believing that if they are freaks in the bedroom, the man will stay. Reality is a man will stay when you want him to.  Just don't expect to find Captain Save-a-Ho stepping up to the plate when your game is weak.

To better explain this I am going to state some hard truths to you. Do not seek what you do not already have. If you want a good man, with a job, financially secure and is stable, well then YOU need to be a good woman, with a job, who is financially secure and mentally stable. Flying your freak flag across the country does not insure you better odds, regardless of what your girlfriends may tell you. Men also need to not be so judgmental. If you are engaging in sex, responsibly with a woman after a great first date, she may just have wanted sex. We (women) are sexual beings as well, and contrary to popular belief, have active libidos and lustful desires.

I, for one, LOVE sex, and will state without shame, that I have had my share of lovers. This did not make me a slut, vamp or prostitute, I was merely a grown woman with desires and had them met. Difference is I did not have sex to fulfill some emptiness, or to validate who I was. My choice to have sex when I was single was simple, either I had a night with B.O.B. or I could have some time with a man I was interested in. Sex for sex sake can happen, for both men and women. Regardless of your choice, just be sure it is a choice you are prepared for, emotionally and mentally. 

Please also remember to always practice safe sex! Because they now have diseases that can kill you or never leave.

Always with a quote or two for you, here are my selections on this subject; 

"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best." ~ Woody Allen

“Life without sex might be safer but it would be unbearably dull. It is the sex instinct, which makes women seem beautiful, which they are once in a blue moon, and men seem wise and brave, which they never are at all. Throttle it, denaturalize it, take it away, and human existence would be reduced to the prosaic, laborious, bore some, imbecile level of life in an anthill.” ~Henry Louis Mencken

Parenthood,....the continuing saga

Saturday, I wrote what I thought was, a heartfelt message to my firstborn. Please note I said what "I thought was", but I want you all to be aware that before posting it had to be daughter approved. It had been my intention to not embarrass her, and allegedly much of what I do is just that, embarrassing.  Now mind you, it isn't anything specific, apparently anything I do or say can be perceived as an embarrassment by my teenaged daughter. This is also the view of most teens with regards to their parents.  

I could sit here and regale in the stories of the countless times she embarrassed me, such as when she was still breastfeeding and decided it was time for lunch and unzipped my sweatshirt in public. She was 8 months old and at that moment I decided it was about time to ween her. I could also mention how I had to explain to a state trooper why I was pulled over on the Thruway crawling about trying to retrieve a Barbie she just threw out the window, or when she insisted I purchase a ticket for her to climb a rock wall and then decided she was too scared to do it. The end result, I had to climb first to show her it was safe. Did I mention I was wearing a dress? Yet, these are the things we do as parents, and we don't complain.

I have another child, fourteen years younger then her sister. Yes, you heard me right, just when I saw the light at the end of the tunnel I JUMPED back in the pool to do it all again. I think when she turns thirteen I am going to leave, I can always return when she is twenty-one! Frankly they say kids make you feel young but mine are making me feel my age, all forty-five years of them, but I digress.

I suppose that I am fine with the quirks, disappointments and blame that comes from being a mother. I never tried to be that cool mom, turned out I was because I watch anime, and once worked in the gaming industry and still played video games. The fact that I listen to current music didn't hurt my status either, but it was a status she used amongst her peers, never giving the compliments or acknowledgment to me herself. I suppose that would have been asking for too much.

Hopefully, this college transition will be easier than when I took her to school for the first time. Easier for me that is, she pushed me out of the class telling me to go, while I cried at the doorway and sat in my car. I was hurt and proud at the same time, proud of her self confidence that she could fend for herself without me. Hurt that she was so confident that she didn't need me to help her on her first day in school and could  fend for herself. So began the paradox of my role as her mother.

This blog entry was not daughter approved, but I think she will forgive my transgression. Our days together are growing fewer, so what is one more embarrassment.

Tonight's quote is from a woman who understood motherhood, and saw the humor in the madness; "Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids." ~Erma Bombeck

Parenthood

I am one in a legion of many, I am a parent. Worse than that I am a mother! You remember what mothers are, we are that half of the parent team that are blamed for all the ills when our children one day lay down at a therapist's office and complain about their lives. We are the ones that seem to have some inexplicable sense of knowing where all things are, for every member of the family. Unfortunately, we are the brunt of many jokes when we become in-laws. Some of us can be over bearing, over protective, and over indulgent, but what we all have in common is that relentless, never ending job, with the worse pay known to man, of raising future adults.

I am preparing to take my daughter to visit a college. These visits are to help shape her decision regarding her future, which frankly hadn't really hit me until a few moments ago. It just came down on me like a ton of bricks that my little chick is leaving the nest. I don't say preparing because the reality is that I have been preparing her since birth. 

I am blessed to have had the great fortune of having this person, my child, grace my life as she has. She is beautiful, intelligent, stubborn and outspoken. Qualities, that as much as I sometimes hate to admit to myself, she got honestly (the not so nice ones from me). My child is kind, considerate of others, with the exception at times being me. This is completely natural and understanding, after all she is not perfect, just close enough to perfection.

So here I am, with the great realization that next year at this time she will be in the midst of embarking on a journey that she will make mostly on her own with me in the distance. No longer on the sidelines, ready to scoop her up if she fell, no longer in front leading her by her hand. She will be doing this with the tools I have tried to give her and now I have to find a new role within her life and the definition of mother.

Still my job is not done, a mother's job never is. I have many new milestones to look forward to. Graduation, her first apartment, a wedding and God willing to see her step into this role of motherhood, one day herself. Scary thought isn't it. I just have to learn to let go of the child and wait on the future of the young woman, who hopefully will still need her mom from time to time.

When I look into those big brown eyes, I still see the baby they placed in my arms. Taking her to college I see the five year old, whose bus I followed on her first day in kindergarten. I kid you not, I am anxious and perhaps a bit wistful that the days where I was a Goddess in her eyes, incapable of mistakes and omnipotent knowing all the answers to her endless queries are behind me now. She will forever make me proud in all she endeavors, and in return makes me proud of a job well done, in rearing her. 

Funny though, I am still looking for the manual that should have come with her at birth, because somewhere there should be a reset button!

Quote for the day and please read and think on this one; "The moment a child is born; the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother never. The mother is something absolutely new."~Rajneesh

Truth and Justice

Dr Martin Luther King, Jr once said; "Difficult and painful as it is, we must walk on in the days ahead with an audacious faith in the future. When our days become dreary with low-hovering clouds of despair, and when our nights become darker than a thousand midnights, let us remember that there is a creative force in this universe, working to pull down the gigantic mountains of evil, a power that is able to make a way out of no way and transform dark yesterdays into bright tomorrows. Let us realize the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice." 

What is justice? According to the dictionary it is defined as the following;(1)the quality of being just; righteousness, equitableness, or moral rightness: to uphold the justice of a cause. (2)rightfulness or lawfulness, as of a claim or title; justness of ground or reason: to complain with justice. (3) the moral principle determining just conduct. (4) conformity to this principle, as manifested in conduct; just conduct, dealing, or treatment. (5) the administering of deserved punishment or reward.

I thought that we should start with understanding what it is we are seeking, for Trayvon Martin and his family.. I have heard television pundits and experts go on analyzing this tragedy since the news broke. I have also heard many people turn the tables on the victim, accusing him of being one who sought out trouble. Some painted him out to be a drug user, and headed on the wrong path. Recently D.L. Hughley addressed those accusations with a heartfelt letter to Trayvon Martin.

When we seek justice we are also seeking truth. Although it seems to have been elusive, truth is there, beneath the layers. Earlier this afternoon we heard the Special Prosecutor Angela Corey from Florida announced that charges had been filed. So here are a few truths for you to ponder while George Zimmerman sits in protective custody. George Zimmerman was charged forty-five days after Trayvon Martin was killed. Forty-five days after his parents were given devastating news, news that no parent should ever hear. 

Another truth is that this is not the first time the town of Sanford Florida has faced controversy regarding race. In 1946 this small town created a stir with a Black athlete by the name of Jackie Robinson. I am sure you are familiar with the name, he was the first African American baseball player to play in the Majors. When he came into town for Spring training with the Brooklyn Dodgers the restrictions of segregation were placed on him. Jackie Robinson was not permitted to eat with his team mates, nor was he allowed to share the same locker room. He was advised to stay in another town, rather then stay with the team. When the "good" citizens of Sanford became aware of Mr. Robinson's presence they confronted the mayor of this small town. They made it impossible for the Royals to participate in a pre-season game and forced Jackie Robinson and his wife to flee to neighboring Daytona. The result was that the Dodgers pulled up stakes and moved their spring training facility out of Sanford to Daytona.

So here we are again, sixty-six years after the Dodgers pull stakes. Forty-five days after Trayvon Martin was killed. With the passage of time, they say all wounds are healed, but I propose something else. With the passage of time, we look at where we were and if we see we haven't moved forward, we break out into a mad dash to get ahead. This way someone isn't looking back some sixty-six years later and realize we have been stagnant for too long.

Tonight no quote, just lyrics from a song. "Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do, No need to kill or die for and no religions too, Imagine all the people, Living life in peace"~John Lennon, Imagine

Shock and Awe

Yesterday I wrote the poem,"The Mother In Me", for Trayvon Martin's mother. She came across my mind a lot today, with the conversation turning back to his killer George Zimmerman. Yes I said killer, because no matter how you slice it, George Zimmerman killed Trayvon Martin. 

Frankly, little in this world shocks me anymore. The older I get the more jaded I seem to become. I have lived to see the ugliness that man can subject his brethren to, without batting an eye. Gone are the days of my innocence and naivety, having to leave them behind, and as my innocence fades away, so does my perception of the world.
Then late last night, here I was witnessing something, which admittedly did send me back to the border of Shockville. Actually as I think about it more, I have to say I found it to show the utter gall and lack of remorse from George Zimmerman. Until last night we have only heard from his attorneys (who quit today), his father, brother and two of his neighbors, his only saving grace was that he hid and kept his mouth shut. Now things have changed. 

Not only did this man decide to take the platform, he chose the Internet to do so. The gall to which I am referring is in his lame attempt to appeal to the public for funds, he does not apologize, or even take the high road and say something like the events were tragic for all. Instead he goes on playing the victim and expresses how his life has been affected. Below is a direct quote from the site.

"I have been forced to leave my home, my school, my employer, my family and ultimately, my entire life."

He goes on to assert, "all facts will come to light". There is an American flag front and center, which I am certain, was strategically placed there to profess his being a patriot. Upon further examining of this website you can see it's an attempt is to get money. Zimmerman is kind enough to inform the general public that any other site in his name that is collecting money for his legal defense, is not going to him, so please send to his PayPal.  Throughout this cheap, pathetic attempt of a website there are quotes. Quotes that I wonder if Zimmerman truly understands what the words meant to their author.  I know a thing or two about quotes, as you my readers know. The one that bears question to his judgment was this one especially; "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil, is that good men do nothing" - Edmund Burke

Just what does George Zimmerman mean to imply with this quote? That he was merely being a stand-up guy defending the neighborhood from evil? That Trayvon personified that evil on that rainy night in February? Well let me school you Mr Zimmerman, to start with it is not Edmund Burke who said those words, although it is incorrectly attributed to him. The actual quote is as follows; "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."

Please note the words and the order in which they are said. The meaning is a simple one, it is that evil is not neutral and if society stops resisting evil it will grow and spread. It also more simply puts in a call to society not to be complacent, but where ever ones sees evil, depravity, callousness or contempt it is up to us to resist and correct the problem. 
For example the protests and demand for YOUR arrest Mr Zimmerman. The facts are simple, you a citizen, not an officer killed an unarmed teen. You, George Zimmerman, say your entire life is gone; well you took the life of a young man who had yet to embark on his, he was still a child. His mother can only cry for him, and as for us, well, we won't rest until justice is done.

This quote is for George Zimmerman; “It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution” ~Oscar Wilde 

The Mother In Me

The mother in me wants to scream

The mother in me wants to cry

The mother in me sighs and knows, 

"There but by the grace of God go I"

The mother in me is hurt

The mother in me is scared for all the sons and daughters who wear hoodies on their heads 

The mother in me asks why 

The mother in me prays 

The mother in me hopes that this pain will go away, 

For another mother who lost her child on that fateful day

The mother in me won't stop until justice is won

The mother in me, is a mother like you

Only difference is we live by different rules, 

Because you say my child does not count, 
nor hers too

Simply because our color is a different hue

Easter Bunnies and what not

When I was young I always wondered what chocolates and a bunny had to do with Easter. I enjoyed hunting for eggs, another confusing thing because eggs come from chickens, and like most kids I loved candy, so the hunt was on. Then as I grew up and Easter baskets were meant for the younger, I left the mythology of bunnies and eggs alone, but always held the question in my head.

Then I went to college and studied art, I also studied religion. The link between the two go hand in hand, being that most artisans of history had benefactors and sponsorship from the church. Upon studying DaVinci's Last Supper, I realized I was looking at a Seder dinner. Funny how I never really put Passover and Easter together until then. Still though, no bunnies. My quest as to where the Easter Bunny came from began again.

Then after much research and asking theologians, the relationship was made clear to me. The Roman Catholic Church was the first church of Christianity, think of them as the grande dame for all other Christian religions. They had a large task ahead of them, having acquired this new faith they felt it was their responsibility to convert as many as possible and bring them into the fold.  Problem  was that the other predominant religions were Pagan based, they had their own structure, which strongly opposed what was being espoused by the church. Whereas Roman Catholics were a patriarch based religion, Pagans were matriarch; in order to incorporate and make Pagans more willing to come over the church chose to incorporate some celebrations that were linked to that of the church's calendar. Easter fell near the Spring Equinox, and it was festival time for the Pagans, which meant feasting on May Wine and lots of treats. See where I am going here, one central figure was the rabbit, a symbol of fertility and new beginnings, as was the egg. The newness of flowering trees and the return of warm weather were seen as an awakening. The church also shared the Jewish calendar. Remember Leonardo's painting? This is how we know The Last Supper was most likely a Seder meal. So now all of my questions were answered, but today I have a new one.

This past Easter Sunday, when many Christians got up to do their egg hunt with the kids, go to church to praise a renewal of their faith, and the Jewish community was in the midst of celebrating Passover, why are we so lost? The other day five African Americans were shot for the color of their skin, sadly three died. In Sanford Florida, a young man was killed forty-five days ago, and still the question hangs as to whether or not his shooter should be arrested. The Justices are debating the merit of a Healthcare system that benefits the whole of our society. Mind you this issue is being debated by those who have insurance coverage. There are homes still being foreclosed, because banks still don't want to part with money. Lack of funding in new technology is making us fall behind, and burn fossil fuels which is adding to the global warming problem, (and believe me it is a problem when the only major snow in the Northeast comes before Halloween and F-4 tornadoes come early in the season). And the problem list goes on and on. So where is our renewal? 

Have we become so insular that the word inclusion has left our lexicon? What I mean by this is when did we stop thinking about one another and only think of ourselves? Perhaps we all should take some time between the chocolate bunny ear snacking and matzoh ball soup to think of our neighbors and community. Only good can come from selflessness, we have already reaped enough from selfishness. I for one am ready for new change of pace. Hopefully I have given you something to chew on, aside from treats that is. 

In the meantime let's try an experiment, for one week do an act of kindness for a stranger. I am curious how that may effect positive change in the world, in return as them to pay it forward to another stranger. If you decide to try this with me, come back to my blog and comment about your gift of kindness. I firmly believe that just hearing about it may encourage others to follow suit.

You know I have to leave you with a quote, so here are two. I purposefully chose from these specific people due to the way they led their lives with principle. Carol Moseley Braun broke down some color barriers and is a woman of conviction. Elliot Richardson is one of my obscure heroes, his having been a Republican and all, he refused a direct order from then President Nixon to fire the special prosecutor during Watergate, he had integrity. I think we can all use a little of that in our lives.

"I really think that's the key, part of the spiritual renewal that America needs to have, the notion that we really can have confidence in a better tomorrow."~Carol Moseley Braun

"If there are flaws they are in ourselves, and our task therefore must be one not of redesign but of renewal and reaffirmation, especially of the standards in which all of us believe."~ Elliot Richardson

Racism: America's Dirty Secret

I am certain there are many of you who will say, that this is no secret, but I beg to differ. As Americans we lie to ourselves, and say we are enlightened. Racism exists in the backwoods somewhere, not here with civilized people such as ourselves. How I wish this were true, reality is that like any disease, racism is insidious. Like cancer it finds a healthy area, latches on and begins to mutate and alter it. Eventually it corrupts and creates illness which can lead to death. This is what ignorance and distorted views bring upon our society. Like cancer, if you ignore it, it doesn't heal, you only give it a chance to grow and permeate other healthy areas until there is no healthy tissue left.

The topic of race has become a source of conversation, jump started by the killing of Trayvon Martin. For a moment there was a flurry of tweets, blogs and newscasts dedicated to examining the why and how, this young man was profiled and ultimately killed.  Profiled not by police, but, by a man with a gun, who took the definition of NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH to include shooting a kid, armed with a bag of Skittles, Arizona Ice Tea and a cell phone. 

It had been my hope, that this tragic event would finally have been the call for us to get our act together and address a long ignored diseased issue of our society. To my utter lack of surprise, many of us are already moved onto the next issue. Although I do not have the solution, I did make a decision, this blog will consistently discuss the case of George Zimmerman and the death of Trayvon Martin until I can say I have done my part in keeping the conversation going. 

Fortunately, I am not alone. This week on CNN, Anderson Cooper is also making this the subject of his show AC360. Other news outlets are still talking about it, although maybe not to the degree that it had been discussed when this story first broke. If more of us keep making this an issue of importance, others too will hear the cry to end racism in America and openly discuss in order to find a way to heal the deep wounds that still exists in our country. After all, how enlightened can we be if we never come to grasps with correcting this situation?

Here we are, almost a month and a half later, still no arrest and still many unanswered questions. The only person who honestly knows what occurred on that rainy night in a town-home community, in Sanford Florida is George Zimmerman. As the saying goes in finding answers there are three versions, his, the other involved and in between lies the truth. Many experts are re-examining 9-1-1 calls, alleged witness statements and police reports, while we, the public do a lot of supposition. 

The question rests in the why's. Why did this young unarmed man die? Why did George Zimmerman exit his vehicle after being told not to follow? Why did he assume Trayvon was "on drugs" and "looked as though he was up to no good"? And the biggest, why did he shoot him? I do not believe we will ever know the truth to these questions, but I am holding out faith that we will take the time to re-examine not just George Zimmerman, but ourselves and the way we approach and judge other races.

Coincidentally this week marks the fiftieth anniversary of one of my favorite movies, To Kill A Mockingbird. This movie from 1962, examined race and how prejudices can interfere with justice. This movie displayed the ills of 1930's race relations in the 1960's. Today, fifty years later we still deal with the same issues and ignorance. Perhaps in fifty years we can finally be on another chapter and verse regarding this subject. 

In honor of Harper Lee's incredible work I leave you with two quotes from the novel to think on.

"Why reasonable people go stark raving mad when anything involving a Negro comes up, is something I don't pretend to understand." - Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

and

"Real courage is when you know you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.” ― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird 

for Trayvon Martin