Two week absence

I took some time to myself after the death of Steve Jobs, simply to re-examine my own life.  Steve Jobs was a dreamer who accomplished his dreams yet was plagued by a vicious disease known as pancreatic cancer.  What impressed me most was his determination to succeed in living and doing his best to confront his illness (at least that was the impression I had). I found that I could relate not just because of my MS, but a few years ago I was diagnosed with renal cancer and it was very close to my pancreas, had it not been caught it might have invaded my pancreas and we might not be discussing this. I was fortunate that it was discovered very early and I had the BEST surgeon/specialist to remove my tumor.

Now there is a word I NEVER thought would leave my lips in reference to myself, tumor. When I had received the initial diagnosis I was devastated. My fear wasn't because of what I might lose, I have enjoyed life, but the damage it would have brought to my parents, sister and my daughters. It is the ones you leave behind that can crush your spirit, then I realized something; we all will die. Morbid but true. It is the one guarantee we were all given with our birth, and accepting death, my own, my spouse's, my parents and even my children allowed me to release any anxiety I might have had. I began to focus on living and taking care of my immediate needs. It did not mean a surrender or to begin an "Oh woe is me" moment, it is not in my nature, I am fierce, powerful and strong. This was just another blip on the screen that was my life and this too shall pass and so it did.

Today I am cancer free, and every year I am scanned to see if that or any other tumors appears. Thankfully, I have been well, and will continue to be well. If not I know whatever challenge or obstacle placed before me I will overcome it, just as I did when jumping over hurdles back in my track and field days. No matter what, the legacy I leave my children and family is a proud one. They will know I was a warrior, and saw challenges not as defeats but inspirations and opportunity for the rising up of my spirit each time. My message to you, do not be afraid and please make certain that you savor life and meet it with a smile.

This post today was written especially for those of you facing troubles and don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am here to tell you there is nothing that you cannot achieve. Set your mind to the end goal and be willing to meet a challenge head on with positive anticipation rather than defeat. Your perspective will make the difference, because even if you fail you, won simply because you showed up for YOU.

Quotes to help you find inspiration: "It is time for us all to stand and cheer for the doer, the achiever, the one who recognizes the challenge and does something about it." -Vince Lombardi

It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves. -Sir Edmund Hillary

Temptations

temptation |tem(p)ˈtā sh ən|
noun
a desire to do something, esp. something wrong or unwise : he resisted the temptation to call Celia at the office | we almost gave in to temptation.
 
This is just one of the definitions of the word, and there isn't a soul who hasn't been tempted. Whether it was not to lie to your boss about the reason why you called in sick on the first day of the Jets home game or to your spouse as to if the dress with the price tag really is from the back of the closet. It lies all around us, like the potholes of NYC following a harsh winter, the trick is navigating and making a choice. 

So what are the temptations we face in the world today, or dare I say may even fantasize about? For some it is that piece of chocolate cake, sitting on the counter right now, you know you want it but will you? It could also be finding a wallet filled with $100 bills, do you turn it in or keep the money and turn in the wallet? These are all temptations, but I want to tempt you even further. 

Tonight, I bring back my "famous" provocative question night and leading off tonight will deal with temptation. To play along just answer in the comment section there is no need to identify yourself if you choice to remain anonymous you can. 

So here is your question: If you were away from your spouse or significant other for two nights, and the opportunity arises for you to have one dalliance, no one will know but you and the one you are having the transgression with; would you? To sweeten the pot; this person will not seek you out again after and in this scenario there is no chance for disease, pregnancies or other health consequences.

I will leave my own answer only after I receive at least 5 responses from you all. Let the games begin!

In remembrance

 

This 1997 commercial shortly after his return to Apple,
it seems to speak volumes now.

To the man that was different and taught us all to think different! 

I know his impact will be felt for generations.

Steve Jobs (February 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011)
 

Tonight's blog post is dedicated to a man, a legend, an innovator, dreamer and frankly the greatest salesman since P.T. Barnum, Steve Jobs. We were fortunate to have been here when he was, and were able to witness technological history, without even knowing what it was that so marveled us at the time, yet with baited breath we waited each time for the next creation. None of us knew we needed a device to store all of our music, or a laptop that weighed less than my purse. Still, we bought these items on the word of one man, who said we did and we believed him.

Most from my generation have a special affinity for this man, simply because of one word; Apple. In the early 1980's personal computers were still thought to be something out of a Sci-fi novel or Star Trek episode.  Computers in the home? You might as well have been speaking Mandarin, it was preposterous. Who in their right mind would first; learn to use this thing and second, make use of it. The iconic man we all remember tonight, Steve Jobs did. It was as if he had stepped into our future, saw what we would be using and returned back only to build each item. When I was in high school, we had computers and a computer room of sorts, each one was an Apple. This was great if you were one of the lucky ones that got to take the class, but bad too, leaving you frustrated when we had to come home and work with a Commodore 64.

These events began the quest of a new generation of discovers, inventors and dreamers to be unleashed in the last millennium. We were going to crash our way through barriers, and jump light speeds ahead into the new century.  Suddenly, people were building computers, gaming machines, designing programs all because one man the had fore-thought and the fortitude to push the idea of a personal computer in every home. He gave his competition a run, and in my opinion helped force the ingenuity that was shared by another, almost like him, Bill Gates.

Over time, Steve Jobs left Apple and went into another arena, animations. Like the computing industry, children's animated movies would never be the same again. While at Pixar Studios, we all met a group of toys and each one of us were mesmerized once again to the brilliance possessed by Steve Jobs.

Upon his return to Apple, the company he founded, Steve Jobs took the company to new levels. Introducing product like the Mac Book Air, the iPod, iPhone, and more recently iPad (now on its second generation). The presentations were heart stoppers and Steve Jobs was a rock star. He had built a passionate following, where Apple and Steve Jobs were the new deities in the Church of Technology. His followers taking in each word like gospel, and devotees standing on lines than ran for blocks to get the first generation of whatever he had to offer.  

Tonight, the world got a little colder and dimmer, now that his light is out. Crazy as it sounds, we thought that if anyone could beat this cancer, surely Steve Jobs can. Sadly, it was not to be, he passed away and I heard the quiet whimper from the heart of millions upon hearing the news. Although he is no longer with us in the physical realm, he will live forever. Steve Jobs has done more than left an indelible mark on the world with his inventions and the advancements that he gave us, but his legacy is that he told us to dream! Dream big and dream until they all come true. So while I listen to music from my iPod Touch, and type my blog on my MacBook Pro, while listening to the news about his passing on my iPad, I tip my hat to you Steve Jobs and say "Thank you" for all the gifts you shared with us. To his family, friends, and colleagues, sorry for your loss and may you find comfort in knowing the effect he had on the world.

  

Tonight I will leave quotes from the man himself, Steve Jobs; 

• “The most compelling reason for most people to buy a computer for the home will be to link it to a nationwide communications network. We’re just in the beginning stages of what will be a truly remarkable breakthrough for most people––as remarkable as the telephone.” (1985)
• “When you’re young, you look at television and think, There’s a conspiracy. The networks have conspired to dumb us down. But when you get a little older, you realize that’s not true. The networks are in business to give people exactly what they want. That’s a far more depressing thought. Conspiracy is optimistic! You can shoot the bastards! We can have a revolution! But the networks are really in business to give people what they want. It’s the truth.”  (1996)
• "No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true."(2005)
• "Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice."(2005)
• "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma,.. which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice." (2005)  

Breath

"If you've lost focus, just sit down and be still. Take the idea and rock it to and fro. Keep some of it and throw some away, and it will renew itself. You need do no more." - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Oddly I am starting today's blog with a quote rather than just finish with one. I feel as though I am losing focus or rather losing focus of my muse. So much with finishing this book is coming into my head that it seems to be drowning out the sounds that I normally hear in my head when I get that quiet moment to just write. 

I have such plans or Raven and Jonah, it is as if I have traveled down these roads with them and am just retelling events that had already transpired. Yet, still when I come to write the words escape me and the fluidity of how they came about is almost forced. So like the quote I am going to take a small break from other responsibilities and re-adjust the flight plan so-to-say, and resume writing again after a small breather. 

Thank you for your support and understanding, while I go and filter out some of this noise. I am wondering however, how many other writers have moments like this. for certain I cannot be alone. I am also sure that after a good night's sleep and a quiet home (the kids have been home sick back to school tomorrow), I will be fresh and ready to click away at the keys.

Truth is the blog has helped me. It has kept me coming back to write, ponder and vent, these are good things. So until the next time, inhale exhale focus!   

Lessons learned

Everyone has a story or two in them, I happen to be one with enough to fill many volumes. I have been fortunate enough to have truly lived my life. I was able to travel the world when I was younger, go places on a whim. I think the reason why I crammed so much into my life was because I always had the feeling that it would be short lived. Not that I was some kind of melancholy sort, but always had this sense to enjoy things while I could. Sad thing is that it turned out to a certain degree I was right. I have been living with Multiple Sclerosis for the past 8 years, and it has not been a happy chapter in my life, survivable yes and without question it has taught me some additional valuable lessons.

To begin with I learned that I am a force to be reckoned with. I knew I was strong, but to truly test my inner strength and fortitude had never been put to the test more than when I received my diagnosis. I also learned to appreciate the life that I had lived and would continue to live. No regrets, just lessons along the pathway to help mold my adult years, to one where I can find comfort with myself. I need not surround myself with people to validate who I am.  I learned that family is great, when you have a good one to fall back on, thank goodness I do. 

My life has been an adventure, and although when I was young there were times, upon reflection, where I seemed to have tried to derail it.  Youth and it's ignorance, I suppose, but I  know now a lot of my early decisions were fear based. This theme of fear, whatever the fear may have been from, fueled some of my dumbest moves.  If I could go back I would tell my younger me to enjoy and trust in life more and not be in a rush or so scared.

Now why am I sharing this mini biopic about my life you are wondering? It is my intro to this poetry I had written, not just for me, but for my girlfriends. I had learned the lesson that is in my poetry already, but wanted them to have something tangible to help serve as a reminder, perhaps to be a reminder for me as well. I am grateful I am wiser and older now, but to the me of yesteryear, we did okay kid and thanks for the ride. So thank you for dealing with my long winded intro, but I now present to you a piece of poetry from my past.

GOOD-BYE

YOU DON'T NEED ME

YOU HAVE SOMEONE ALREADY

YOU DIDN'T NEED TO STEP TO ME

WHISPERING TO ME DEEP INTO THE NIGHT

TELLING ME WORDS YOU KNOW

I LONG TO HEAR

MAKING ALL OF YOUR LIES SEEM SO REAL

BUT THIS IS THE TRUTH

AS PAINFUL AS IT MAY BE

YOU HAVE SOMEONE ALREADY YOU DON'T NEED ME

YOU PROMISED HER YOU HEART

YOU ARE HER MAN

WITH HER YOU SHARE A LIFE

SHE IS YOUR WOMAN

SHE IS YOUR WIFE

SO WHERE AM I IN THIS EQUATION

I AM NUMBER TWO, THREE OR FOUR

DEPENDING ON YOUR TIME

OR THE DAY OF THE WEEK

I AM BUT THE EXCUSE

THE REASON WHY YOU WORKED LATE

THE TIME YOU STAYED OUT WITH YOUR BOYS

I AM YOUR GIRL ON THE SIDE

I AM THAT BOOTY THAT IS ALWAYS ON CALL

WHAT IS WORSE, I BECAME YOUR FOOL

AND WHO ARE YOU TO ME

NO ONE ANYMORE

TOOK ME A MINUTE TO WAKE UP

FROM THIS DREAM THAT YOU WOVE FOR ME

MADE UP OF SO MANY UNTRUTHS

DECEIT, BROKEN PROMISES, LIE

ON TOP OF LIE

THIS REALITY CHECK IS WHAT 

I NEEDED TO FINALLY BREAK FREE

TO REMEMBER THAT I DESERVE MORE

TO REMEMBER MY WORTH

TO BE SOMEONE'S NUMBER ONE

AS HE WOULD BE FOR ME

SO GO BACK HOME AND KISS YOUR WIFE

SAY GOOD-BYE TO ME

SAY GOOD-BYE TO THE MYTH 

THAT ONCE WAS US

I REMEMBERED, IN CASE YOU FORGOT

YOU DON'T NEED ME

YOU HAVE SOMEONE ALREADY

AND I WILL JUST WAVE GOOD-BYE 

AS YOUR ASS WALKS OUT THE DOOR

Reality Bites

Anyone who knows me, knows that I have no love for reality television. For me it is false intrusiveness. Let me explain this, you are peeking in on someone's life, but it is not real. There has not been an honest reality show since the Real World first season on MTV. Since then we have been watching regurgitated bull-crap. The ONLY reason they keep pumping out this junk is because the powers that be are listening to number crunchers and to be honest getting Nielson ratings from the same people year after year, (I mean do you know a Nielson family?). These number crunchers saw the low cost of these types of shows, versus actually paying for real talent to write and act. Stop your yelling at the screen, I can't hear you, but I know some of you are saying that "No! There are some quality reality shows! What about Amazing Race and Survivor? Those shows win Emmy's!" Well, those are NOT reality shows, nor is Big Brother, these are elaborate game shows, so let's get that straight. 

It is such mindless junk now on the air, to the point that I am finding myself longing for the 70's. A decade, where if we are going to be honest, was the absolute worst decade for fashion and television, I mean seriously The Love Boat? But damn it, if I see one more variation of "The Real Housewives" on Bravo or another incarnation of Bridezilla's (aka Poor White Trash Wedding Fiascoes as I more affectionately call it), not only will I hurl, but will more than likely start an online petition to bring back shows like the Love Boat and Fantasy Island, while taking network executives hostage, so help me God!   

I am not sure why this has happened, kids wearing their pants around their knees and crappy shows being produced on TV, they may have some kind of correlation. I am checking on it, and will get back to you on that. In the interim we need to put our differences aside and rally together for good television. I mean do you honestly want the Jersey Shore to be a reflection of our children's generation in the years to come? I have seen some excellent shows come, and go recently, it is almost as though they are not even given a chance to gain any momentum before they are cancelled. Oh, to the programming geniuses at the major networks, it does not help that you keep changing the airtime of your new shows. Pick one, stick with it, and wait a few shows; then make a decision. I have seen far too many good shows, smart scripts to go into the abyss of cancellation hell. On a more honest note, it is bad enough that the banks have basically reamed us all without K-Y, but really, et tu Networks? 

So I wait that someway, sometime that the people and the powers that be in the executive board rooms of these networks, will somehow hear my plea, and take it seriously, because in this day an age I shouldn't be thinking "Thank God for cable channels, otherwise I'd have nothing to watch!" I should be having battles over what to watch and what to DVR! 

This post is dedicated to a few of the better shows that left without notice, which were keeping some of our attention for an hour. Brothers and Sisters,  Detroit 1-8-7, The Defenders, Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior, Law and Order: Los Angeles,  The Event,  Undercovers,  Chase, Breaking In, Human Target,  The Chicago Code and Lie to Me

Most of those above name shows were top rated scripted shows (the underlined shows were my personal favorites),reaching numbers as high as 10 million. They had great casts, made you think in some cases and others kept you intrigued. This is not what we are getting back, what we are getting back is a camera crew inside some upstart spoiled rich chick's (could use a euphemism here, but I think you already know what I think) house with her friends, husband and hangers on. This is what we call quality television? By the way, a real housewife doesn't have time to travel to Morocco and have a hissy fit every 5 minutes, real housewives have to deal with carpools, homework, raising kids, PTA meetings just to name a few things!

Everytime I see another version of Jersey Shore; i.e. Bad Girls club, or Real Housewives; i.e.  Basketball Wives, we lower our expectations and some even may think our moral compass. I am all for guilty pleasure, but enough is enough! Maybe I am ragging on this topic because I miss my shows, or maybe I am looking at our world through another prism. It makes me think, is the fact that we are suffering in as bad economy due to the greed of major corporations and banks also the reason we get bad television, so networks can pocket more money while producing crap and we just eat it up. Like lambs to the slaughter we are meandering through, just what else can be taken. if the easiest form of entertainment in our homes is turned to this and none of us balk as it happens.

Tonight's quotes. Due to the subject matter I found it necessary to have a few quotes; "Television is not real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs." ~Bill Gates  

"Television is chewing gum for the eyes." ~Frank Lloyd Wright

"Television is like the American toaster, you push the button and the same thing pops up everytime. " ~Alfred Hitchcock

"Reality TV is sleazy, it is manipulative. It is as momentary as anything in popular culture".~Morley Safer 

and finally my favorite on the subject

"I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence.  They got one marked "brightness" but it doesn't work, does it?"  ~Leo Anthony Gallagher