Bittersweet

I am back. After a hiatus for the summer I am returning to the blog-o-sphere. I hope your summer was good to you. I spent my summer packing my eldest daughter for college. Going through much of her belongings, deciding what she wanted to take, toss or save at home. Also I have been getting my youngest ready for her entry in elementary school. One in college, one in Kindergarten, both milestones, but taxing for this mom. This blog entry is about my experience on sending the eldest off to her university to start her college career.  It's an exciting year ahead of me, and I plan on blogging  as often as possible. Thanks for reading!
 
 


bit·ter·sweet/ˈbitərˌswēt/

Adjective:

(of food, drink, or flavor) Sweet with a bitter aftertaste.

That is the definition of bittersweet, but honestly for me it has taken a whole new meaning. As I write this blog, I am full of mixed emotions. I am both happy, yet sad, excited, yet cautious, all due to my eldest daughter's beginning her college experience.

Recently, my husband and I drove her to school. We all knew this day was coming, it had been expected. For me, there was no other option, when this now young woman standing before me at 5 feet 10 inches, was first placed in my arms eighteen years ago. What was not anticipated are the mixed emotions that I am now dealing with.

While a part of me is rejoicing at a job well done, another part of me is wishing I could just set the clock back to when she was five and held my hand, as "WE" explored the world around her together. Me, the protective mother lioness, looking over her cub, encouraging her to venture further than she thought possible, knowing all the while I was within reach to pull her out of harm's way. 

The truth is I am a little jealous. I know it is a strange emotion to admit to, but the jealousy is in knowing that she will be sharing new life experiences without me. For eighteen years I shared in her achievements, her stumbles, her dreams and it had been my duty bound responsibility to prepare her for this time of her life. Looking back I should have been preparing myself to let go. 

While on the university campus, my husband and I were one set of parents, in a sea of parents. Each who were leaving our children, so they may begin their lives in adulthood. Hard to believe that I leave her here, hoping that I did enough in preparing her for her future. I heard a lot of parents telling their children a list of "DON'Ts". DON'T DRINK, DON'T DO DRUGS, DON'T HAVE SEX, DON'T FAIL OUT, DON'T, DON'T, DON'T. I rather not leave my daughter with "DON'Ts" but instead a list of DOs.

So here they are; from me to her as she embarks into the world without me.

• DO go into everything with gusto. You can't experience life without tasting it first.
• DO spread your wings, and explore who you are. These college years are a gift to you to discover who you are.
• DO try your best. You can't accomplish anything unless you try first and try whole heartedly.
• DO  embrace your failures as much as your successes. You learn more from your mistakes then you can from your accomplishments.
• DO remember that YOU are the captain of the ship that is your destiny. Your life choices are your own now, so think of what you want from life and keep focused on the end goal. You can achieve anything, because I taught you!

And finally, DO keep in mind that I am here for you. No matter how far, or how near, I am your cheerleader, your champion, your friend, your confidant, most of all your mother. It has been a privilege and honor to be with you from your first breath, your first walk, your first words and I will continue to be here. There is nothing that you can do that will ever disappoint me, or make me anything other than proud of you. For you are my daughter, capable of ANYTHING that you desire.

As I drove away, I took a look at my daughter, with tears streaming down my face; I thought to myself, "Where did the time go?". I know she is a young woman now, but to me she is my baby. Our whole life together flashed through my mind. In an instant, every memory, every laugh, every argument were running through my head and as I wiped my tears away I could see, she was ready and I had to let go. Now I won't lie to you and say this is easy, it is a process, one that I will get through, as will she.
 

To those who read my blog I have this to say. Motherhood is the only job that you invest your all and when you finally get good at it, you are forced into retirement. It can be a thankless job, a difficult job and the pay most definitely sucks! I marvel at my mother more and more everyday, knowing that she sent her girls off and watched us make our lives without her standing right besides us. I made a good life for myself, and think the job was well done because she taught me by example. So to all the mothers out there who sacrifice themselves for their kids, "GOOD JOB MOM!". We will not see a return on our heart filled investment until they are parents themselves. So keep trudging along, be ready to be fired when they turn 18, just remember it will be worth it in the end.

This wouldn't be a proper return to my blog without leaving a quote. It took a long time to find just what I wanted to say.

"When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States"~Erma Bombeck