I have been relatively silent as of lately. I suppose it is due to the fact that I am still trying to get back to a new normal, following the ordeal that had been my life last year. Still current events calls me back to make my comments and voice my opinion. This blog entry is one that I really hope goes viral and attracts the attention of women and men, it is addressing the issue of Domestic Violence.
Earlier this year, Super Bowl champ Ray Rice found himself embroiled in a scandal. Not one of steroids, or drugs, but of a physical altercation with his then fiancé (now wife) Janay Palmer in an Atlantic City casino elevator.
This assault would not have gotten more than a simple two minute news mention had it occurred between any two people, simply because it was caught on video. It was his notoriety that garnered the more than week long attention of the media. Surprisingly, people commented how they were shocked by the callousness when we all had seen him drag an unconscious Janay out of the elevator. The NFL gave him a 2 game suspension and the prosecutor offered him a deal of attending classes. It was a joke of a punishment, and I heard people say it was due to the fact that Janay Palmer stayed with Ray Rice, even going as far as marrying him since the Atlantic City hotel occurrence. Some even noted, "why do more? She obviously was ok with it, she married him!" There is no shock here, we tend to do that with women, we blame the victim.
Then TMZ gave us an eye-opener by releasing the video of Ray Rice actually punching Janay a few times. The one punch that caused some of us to drop our jaws to the ground was "the knockout punch" where we were witnesses to just how she became unconscious. Now the rules changed and the NFL quickly changed its' tune. Indefinite suspension and the firing from the Ravens. Rutgers University removed their affiliation with their former alumni and his football jersey was promptly remove from the NFL store. A hashtag became popular on social media #WHYISTAYED. Still, Janay stood by her man, even voicing her objection of his firing and the collective reaction to the abuse we had all witnessed. This came as no surprise to me, I have known women like Janay. Fortunately, I was never a woman that stayed, but unfortunately I was a woman who knew what it was to be hit like Janay was.
Statistically speaking one in four women will experience abuse at the hands of her significant other at some point in her life. I had the displeasure of being one of those one in four during my single years. My ex-boyfriend had become upset over a trivial matter and proceeded to choke me in my bedroom. I did not live with him, so when he left I decidedly ended the relationship once he was away from me. I thought I was being safe. I was wrong. He repeatedly called, apologizing to me and begging me to take him back. I was resilient in my resolve to end it and stood fast by my word to not take him back,. What I was not aware of is that the most dangerous time for a woman is not when she is with her abuser, but after she leaves. I was also unaware of the mental strain and abuse he had subjected me to, eroding at my self esteem. It was simple to do because I was already reeling from a bad divorce and a termination from my job. I was ripe for the picking when we met, and he charmed me. I was blind to what he was, until it was too late. Finally, one day I allowed him to come by to get a few of his things (some CD's, books and a jacket). I didn't know that something so simple would turn into something so ugly. My daughter was home asleep in her bed, surely I would be safe, he liked my daughter. Yet on the scale of how wrong I was, I had hit the motherlode with this one. He again tried to talk me into getting back together, after realizing it was not going to happen, he proceeded to beat me within an inch of my life. The thing I most remember was what he said to me, "When your daughter wakes up in the morning she will find you dead!".
Needless to say, I lived and my daughter never woke up during my beat down because I had the good sense to play dead and survived the night. I called the police, pressed charges and saw the courts do what little it could. That is the thing, there is little that "first time" offenders get when brought to court, or even second and third time offenders for that fact.
Domestic Abuse happens to women every day and there are other facts that are quite alarming when it comes to violence against women. Such as the highest number of reported domestic abuse incidents occurs on Super Bowl Sunday. Reportedly, approximately 25% of homeless families in NYC are homeless due to Domestic Violence. Also, did you know that over 3 million children witness Domestic Violence in their homes. Female murder victims have a one in three chance of having been killed by a spouse or significant other. These are just a few facts related to abuse and women, still as a nation we do little to hold the abuser accountable. We make excuses for the men and expect the female to leave, often times without support (financially or emotionally). Isn't it time we take the courts to task? Shouldn't we finally make our voices unified and heard for the women who can't speak up? When will we finally say ENOUGH?
I know that we have started a conversation, it is long over due. It is important that we don't stop talking. The tendency in this country is to speak about something only when it's a hot button issue, then we drop it for the next hot topic. This should not be a subject we drop, we need to address it and finally find a way to help end the cycle of abuse, so that statistics like those above mentioned are not the norm.
I hope that for the sake of Janay and her daughter she seeks help and comes to understand that there is never a reason for such brutality. I also hope that Janay comes to realize how lucky she was that she didn't die as a result of that punch because it was very close to being her reality. More than that I hope that Ray Rice learns to control himself and understands he was lucky that she was unconscious and not dead.
We have to learn to stop blaming the women and point the finger of blame and shame on the perpetrators and not the victims. Only then can we begin to solve the problem of violence on women. If you or someone you know is a victim please seek help by calling 1-899-621-HOPE (4673). All calls are confidential.
This time there is no quote that I leave you with, but, rather a poem I wrote when I had my own experience. I simply ask that you read it and pass it along.
Earlier this year, Super Bowl champ Ray Rice found himself embroiled in a scandal. Not one of steroids, or drugs, but of a physical altercation with his then fiancé (now wife) Janay Palmer in an Atlantic City casino elevator.
This assault would not have gotten more than a simple two minute news mention had it occurred between any two people, simply because it was caught on video. It was his notoriety that garnered the more than week long attention of the media. Surprisingly, people commented how they were shocked by the callousness when we all had seen him drag an unconscious Janay out of the elevator. The NFL gave him a 2 game suspension and the prosecutor offered him a deal of attending classes. It was a joke of a punishment, and I heard people say it was due to the fact that Janay Palmer stayed with Ray Rice, even going as far as marrying him since the Atlantic City hotel occurrence. Some even noted, "why do more? She obviously was ok with it, she married him!" There is no shock here, we tend to do that with women, we blame the victim.
Then TMZ gave us an eye-opener by releasing the video of Ray Rice actually punching Janay a few times. The one punch that caused some of us to drop our jaws to the ground was "the knockout punch" where we were witnesses to just how she became unconscious. Now the rules changed and the NFL quickly changed its' tune. Indefinite suspension and the firing from the Ravens. Rutgers University removed their affiliation with their former alumni and his football jersey was promptly remove from the NFL store. A hashtag became popular on social media #WHYISTAYED. Still, Janay stood by her man, even voicing her objection of his firing and the collective reaction to the abuse we had all witnessed. This came as no surprise to me, I have known women like Janay. Fortunately, I was never a woman that stayed, but unfortunately I was a woman who knew what it was to be hit like Janay was.
Statistically speaking one in four women will experience abuse at the hands of her significant other at some point in her life. I had the displeasure of being one of those one in four during my single years. My ex-boyfriend had become upset over a trivial matter and proceeded to choke me in my bedroom. I did not live with him, so when he left I decidedly ended the relationship once he was away from me. I thought I was being safe. I was wrong. He repeatedly called, apologizing to me and begging me to take him back. I was resilient in my resolve to end it and stood fast by my word to not take him back,. What I was not aware of is that the most dangerous time for a woman is not when she is with her abuser, but after she leaves. I was also unaware of the mental strain and abuse he had subjected me to, eroding at my self esteem. It was simple to do because I was already reeling from a bad divorce and a termination from my job. I was ripe for the picking when we met, and he charmed me. I was blind to what he was, until it was too late. Finally, one day I allowed him to come by to get a few of his things (some CD's, books and a jacket). I didn't know that something so simple would turn into something so ugly. My daughter was home asleep in her bed, surely I would be safe, he liked my daughter. Yet on the scale of how wrong I was, I had hit the motherlode with this one. He again tried to talk me into getting back together, after realizing it was not going to happen, he proceeded to beat me within an inch of my life. The thing I most remember was what he said to me, "When your daughter wakes up in the morning she will find you dead!".
Needless to say, I lived and my daughter never woke up during my beat down because I had the good sense to play dead and survived the night. I called the police, pressed charges and saw the courts do what little it could. That is the thing, there is little that "first time" offenders get when brought to court, or even second and third time offenders for that fact.
Domestic Abuse happens to women every day and there are other facts that are quite alarming when it comes to violence against women. Such as the highest number of reported domestic abuse incidents occurs on Super Bowl Sunday. Reportedly, approximately 25% of homeless families in NYC are homeless due to Domestic Violence. Also, did you know that over 3 million children witness Domestic Violence in their homes. Female murder victims have a one in three chance of having been killed by a spouse or significant other. These are just a few facts related to abuse and women, still as a nation we do little to hold the abuser accountable. We make excuses for the men and expect the female to leave, often times without support (financially or emotionally). Isn't it time we take the courts to task? Shouldn't we finally make our voices unified and heard for the women who can't speak up? When will we finally say ENOUGH?
I know that we have started a conversation, it is long over due. It is important that we don't stop talking. The tendency in this country is to speak about something only when it's a hot button issue, then we drop it for the next hot topic. This should not be a subject we drop, we need to address it and finally find a way to help end the cycle of abuse, so that statistics like those above mentioned are not the norm.
I hope that for the sake of Janay and her daughter she seeks help and comes to understand that there is never a reason for such brutality. I also hope that Janay comes to realize how lucky she was that she didn't die as a result of that punch because it was very close to being her reality. More than that I hope that Ray Rice learns to control himself and understands he was lucky that she was unconscious and not dead.
We have to learn to stop blaming the women and point the finger of blame and shame on the perpetrators and not the victims. Only then can we begin to solve the problem of violence on women. If you or someone you know is a victim please seek help by calling 1-899-621-HOPE (4673). All calls are confidential.
This time there is no quote that I leave you with, but, rather a poem I wrote when I had my own experience. I simply ask that you read it and pass it along.
LOVE
By CC Benjamin
Man, Woman, Love
Woman, Man, Hate
Man slaps woman
Dead in her face
Woman, Man, Love
Man, Woman, Fear
Woman cowering in the
Corner shedding her tears
Man, You call her your Queen
Yet you spit in her face
If she doesn’t tend to
Your every need
Woman, You say that he is
Your King
As if you are proud to claim
All the scars you now wear
Bam! Pow! Crash!
Shriek! Boom! Yelp!
These aren’t the sounds from heaven
But your own personal hell
He beats me!
She pissed me off!
He scares me!
She needs to shut up!
Funny how I can’t recall
These lines in sonnets
And love songs
Love like this started with lies
Sometimes it ends when
One of us dies
Man; Grow up! Do like your name!
Be the protector, the provider,
The lover, the friend
Be loyal and kind
Court her with your soul
Stop destroying her mind
Your hands should caress
That angelic face
Not breaking her down
To put her in her “place”
Woman; listen to me
Be ALL that you are,
Who you truly are meant to be
A giver of life, to be cherished
And loved
Strong, courageous, brave and proud
Stop living in madness
Stop living in fear
It was never your fault
He will still live on
If you walk away
Let him carry the blame
Let him bear all the shame
Find your dignity
Find yourself
Love your spirit
Love you
Love you
Love you before all else
Love you
Love you
Love you before someone else
Love you
Love you
Love me
For I am you
You live in me
I love you
I love me
LOVE
