Bittersweet

I am back. After a hiatus for the summer I am returning to the blog-o-sphere. I hope your summer was good to you. I spent my summer packing my eldest daughter for college. Going through much of her belongings, deciding what she wanted to take, toss or save at home. Also I have been getting my youngest ready for her entry in elementary school. One in college, one in Kindergarten, both milestones, but taxing for this mom. This blog entry is about my experience on sending the eldest off to her university to start her college career.  It's an exciting year ahead of me, and I plan on blogging  as often as possible. Thanks for reading!
 
 


bit·ter·sweet/ˈbitərˌswēt/

Adjective:

(of food, drink, or flavor) Sweet with a bitter aftertaste.

That is the definition of bittersweet, but honestly for me it has taken a whole new meaning. As I write this blog, I am full of mixed emotions. I am both happy, yet sad, excited, yet cautious, all due to my eldest daughter's beginning her college experience.

Recently, my husband and I drove her to school. We all knew this day was coming, it had been expected. For me, there was no other option, when this now young woman standing before me at 5 feet 10 inches, was first placed in my arms eighteen years ago. What was not anticipated are the mixed emotions that I am now dealing with.

While a part of me is rejoicing at a job well done, another part of me is wishing I could just set the clock back to when she was five and held my hand, as "WE" explored the world around her together. Me, the protective mother lioness, looking over her cub, encouraging her to venture further than she thought possible, knowing all the while I was within reach to pull her out of harm's way. 

The truth is I am a little jealous. I know it is a strange emotion to admit to, but the jealousy is in knowing that she will be sharing new life experiences without me. For eighteen years I shared in her achievements, her stumbles, her dreams and it had been my duty bound responsibility to prepare her for this time of her life. Looking back I should have been preparing myself to let go. 

While on the university campus, my husband and I were one set of parents, in a sea of parents. Each who were leaving our children, so they may begin their lives in adulthood. Hard to believe that I leave her here, hoping that I did enough in preparing her for her future. I heard a lot of parents telling their children a list of "DON'Ts". DON'T DRINK, DON'T DO DRUGS, DON'T HAVE SEX, DON'T FAIL OUT, DON'T, DON'T, DON'T. I rather not leave my daughter with "DON'Ts" but instead a list of DOs.

So here they are; from me to her as she embarks into the world without me.

• DO go into everything with gusto. You can't experience life without tasting it first.
• DO spread your wings, and explore who you are. These college years are a gift to you to discover who you are.
• DO try your best. You can't accomplish anything unless you try first and try whole heartedly.
• DO  embrace your failures as much as your successes. You learn more from your mistakes then you can from your accomplishments.
• DO remember that YOU are the captain of the ship that is your destiny. Your life choices are your own now, so think of what you want from life and keep focused on the end goal. You can achieve anything, because I taught you!

And finally, DO keep in mind that I am here for you. No matter how far, or how near, I am your cheerleader, your champion, your friend, your confidant, most of all your mother. It has been a privilege and honor to be with you from your first breath, your first walk, your first words and I will continue to be here. There is nothing that you can do that will ever disappoint me, or make me anything other than proud of you. For you are my daughter, capable of ANYTHING that you desire.

As I drove away, I took a look at my daughter, with tears streaming down my face; I thought to myself, "Where did the time go?". I know she is a young woman now, but to me she is my baby. Our whole life together flashed through my mind. In an instant, every memory, every laugh, every argument were running through my head and as I wiped my tears away I could see, she was ready and I had to let go. Now I won't lie to you and say this is easy, it is a process, one that I will get through, as will she.
 

To those who read my blog I have this to say. Motherhood is the only job that you invest your all and when you finally get good at it, you are forced into retirement. It can be a thankless job, a difficult job and the pay most definitely sucks! I marvel at my mother more and more everyday, knowing that she sent her girls off and watched us make our lives without her standing right besides us. I made a good life for myself, and think the job was well done because she taught me by example. So to all the mothers out there who sacrifice themselves for their kids, "GOOD JOB MOM!". We will not see a return on our heart filled investment until they are parents themselves. So keep trudging along, be ready to be fired when they turn 18, just remember it will be worth it in the end.

This wouldn't be a proper return to my blog without leaving a quote. It took a long time to find just what I wanted to say.

"When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States"~Erma Bombeck 

Happy Mother's Day

This Sunday we celebrate Mother's Day. The one day a year when we collectively take a pause to celebrate the woman who gave us life. Think on that, the one day, not weekend, or the month, just ONE DAY. Everyone on Earth has a mother. Some are wonderful and some should have sought psychological treatment. I want to focus on those of us who are good at our job. We have helicopter moms, working moms, soccer moms and super moms, the key word here is "Mom". I am a mom, mother if my kids are annoyed with me, mommy when they need me. I love the mommy days. My children range in age from eighteen to four years and all are girls, which means chances are one day they too will be moms.

Every year when this day comes around I brace myself, because even though this day is supposed to be MY day, in the house I am still doing my due diligence of tending to my children's needs. Moms never get a break, not even on Mother's Day! We are the backbone to the family, the glue that holds it together. Our jobs include knowing where every item in the house is located at all times, being able to play referee when the occasional squabble breaks out, be fashion advisers, lovelorn assistants, and medics for all emergencies. Some of us cook, clean the house, act as laundress, chauffeurs, sometimes have to tackle new math problems and so help me, know all the latest slang and cyber hieroglyphics. Our jobs are not easy, and the pay is very little, but a kiss or hug from your child in gratitude is sometimes enough. We do not take vacations and is the one job where we can say; if we are out sick everything falls apart! God bless my husband, but to be honest he is too incompetent to do my job! I am not even sure he knows where the juice boxes are located, or what temperature you use to clean whites.

Mothers begin the journey into this life long career with the physical abuse of our own bodies, being fattened and contorted to give a new being life. We then undergo one of the most painful and grueling process of giving birth, only to be reminded, from your at times snarky teenager, that you chose to have them, they didn't ask to be born. Our bodies become like that of a combat warrior, surviving the nine months of hell it took to get here, then all is forgotten when they place this child in your arms. We mothers coo incessantly with pride and joy, excited at the anticipated journey where we will act as guides to our children through life. There will be trials, there will be hard times, but, along the way there will be new discoveries and bliss, making all the sacrifices we do seem well worth it.

It takes a special kind of woman to be a mom. It is in this role we are on call twenty-four hours a day for seven days a week. No break, no lunch hour, no paid vacation days, yet we take to it with delight. In no other job have I held previously did I have to do so many tasks at once. It is a job you cannot quit, no matter how taxing the responsibilities are to these little people. There are those days when you can even forget your birth name, after hearing "Mom" being sounded off throughout the house, followed by demands, pleads and the ever so appealing whine. When these moments happen I found it best to make an announcement that "Mom is unavailable to leave a message at the beep, or call George" (my alias unbeknownst to them). The beep never comes. While I find this slightly humorous, my kids are generally left confused. Humor is perhaps the one thing that most mothers keep in our arsenal to help us endure the exhausting feat of raising these independent personalities, into productive members of society. Without our sense of humor, we would be wearing new white coats, the ones with the arms that wrap behind the backs and left alone in a sparsely decorated rubber room. I know to some of you the thought of having a few moments alone, no matter how it comes,does sound refreshing and appealing. Still I think we will sojourn on, for there is a light at the end of this tunnel known as Motherhood.

I am fortunate to have had my mother show me what a good mother is. Asides from imparting me with her humor and wit, she taught me patience, consistency, the difference between rewarding and spoiling, and compassion for others. The most important lesson she imparted on me was love. My mother taught me how to love and how to give love unconditionally, best of all how teach my kids to recognize love. There are days, after dealing with my own children, I feel compelled to call her and apologize for whatever ills and stress my childhood might have brought upon her. I know she finds this quite entertaining and also rewarding. After all, she did give me the infamous "Mother's Curse", you know this one; where you wish upon your own child to have one just like them one day.

So when Sunday morning comes, and we moms get the traditional breakfast in bed of burnt toast and bad coffee with the cards and home made gifts, we will smile and say thank you. Knowing all the while the mess in the kitchen that awaits us, remember we did sign up for this. Cherish these moments, for one day, in a blink of an eye it will be part of days gone by and we will receive the obligatory Mother's Day phone call. Leaving us longing for the noise, mess and home made cards and gifts. 


On Mother's Day take a moment, and enjoy your child(ren). Play referee if you must and tackle the kitchen mess, but remember to savor the moments. Think of your own mom and give her a call to say "Thank you". After all, that is all any mother wants, to simply know that their children are grateful for the hard work that we do. We just want to know that we are appreciated.


Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's in the trenches!  To my own mother, there aren't enough words to express the gratitude and love I have for you. Thanks Maman!

Now you have my take on motherhood, and of course I will leave you with some quotes. These by a few funny mom's trying to do as we all do; survive motherhood;

"When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway."~ Erma Bombeck

"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."~Phyllis Diller

"I know how to do anything—I'm a mom."~ Roseanne Barr

"I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: “Checkout Time is 18 years.”~Erma Bombeck

"Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young." 

Parenthood

I am one in a legion of many, I am a parent. Worse than that I am a mother! You remember what mothers are, we are that half of the parent team that are blamed for all the ills when our children one day lay down at a therapist's office and complain about their lives. We are the ones that seem to have some inexplicable sense of knowing where all things are, for every member of the family. Unfortunately, we are the brunt of many jokes when we become in-laws. Some of us can be over bearing, over protective, and over indulgent, but what we all have in common is that relentless, never ending job, with the worse pay known to man, of raising future adults.

I am preparing to take my daughter to visit a college. These visits are to help shape her decision regarding her future, which frankly hadn't really hit me until a few moments ago. It just came down on me like a ton of bricks that my little chick is leaving the nest. I don't say preparing because the reality is that I have been preparing her since birth. 

I am blessed to have had the great fortune of having this person, my child, grace my life as she has. She is beautiful, intelligent, stubborn and outspoken. Qualities, that as much as I sometimes hate to admit to myself, she got honestly (the not so nice ones from me). My child is kind, considerate of others, with the exception at times being me. This is completely natural and understanding, after all she is not perfect, just close enough to perfection.

So here I am, with the great realization that next year at this time she will be in the midst of embarking on a journey that she will make mostly on her own with me in the distance. No longer on the sidelines, ready to scoop her up if she fell, no longer in front leading her by her hand. She will be doing this with the tools I have tried to give her and now I have to find a new role within her life and the definition of mother.

Still my job is not done, a mother's job never is. I have many new milestones to look forward to. Graduation, her first apartment, a wedding and God willing to see her step into this role of motherhood, one day herself. Scary thought isn't it. I just have to learn to let go of the child and wait on the future of the young woman, who hopefully will still need her mom from time to time.

When I look into those big brown eyes, I still see the baby they placed in my arms. Taking her to college I see the five year old, whose bus I followed on her first day in kindergarten. I kid you not, I am anxious and perhaps a bit wistful that the days where I was a Goddess in her eyes, incapable of mistakes and omnipotent knowing all the answers to her endless queries are behind me now. She will forever make me proud in all she endeavors, and in return makes me proud of a job well done, in rearing her. 

Funny though, I am still looking for the manual that should have come with her at birth, because somewhere there should be a reset button!

Quote for the day and please read and think on this one; "The moment a child is born; the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother never. The mother is something absolutely new."~Rajneesh