In Remembrance of the Fallen

There isn't a New Yorker that I know of, that will not shed a tear today. Whether it is while they are alone, or surrounded by others, also joining in mourning. Today is September 11th. A day that is forever seared in our hearts and minds, a day that America found out that terror can and will visit itself upon our shores, a day that we remember the fallen.

It also happens to be a Tuesday, the same day when the heinous tragic act of terrorism took place. I remember that day of eleven years ago as clearly as if it were yesterday. I can still feel the air of that morning, I also still feel the slight panic I had from running late for work, knowing I had a ten a.m. project meeting. The worst is I can still smell the odor that lingered in the air from the aftermath.  

Here we are eleven years later and I still can't bring myself to go downtown. I had an opportunity to go recently for a family function, during the drive; once we got past Varrick Street, I held my breath. Though the skyline has changed permanently, in my mind's eye it is all still the same, making what my eyes actually see hard to digest. Still when I look to the city from New Jersey, I search for those two towers, in a city I once called home, and still so many years later I am distressed to see they are gone from my vision. I suppose it is the same for many of those who were there or have a connection to the Towers.
 
Normally, on this solemn day I retreat. First within myself, then, from the world outside (read previous post: Remembrance). I take this time to reflect, cry and remember.  I remember my friends, coworkers, the people I stood next to on the elevator, whose name I never knew, and the countless faces that no longer grace us with their presence. I hear the sound of the whistling hiss that ran through the air, sounding like a missile before the ground shook for a second time when the South Tower was hit. This year I want something different, this year I want to say thank you,..again.

I want to thank those courageous first responders, who willingly, without concern for themselves, came into the fire while we ran for our lives. I want to thank the firefighters, police officers and EMS that acted out of bravery, to save the lives of strangers. I want to give thanks to the soldiers who stood guard, and those who went to far off lands, in order to fight in two wars for our nation. I also want to thank those brave passengers, who took it upon themselves to give their own lives, rather than be used to cause further carnage on American soil. All of the above mentioned, were willing to pay with the ultimate sacrifice,..their lives for our FREEDOM.

A lot has happened since that day eleven years ago. I got remarried and had another child, a daughter who is still too young to understand what occurred on this day, in the not so distant past.  She will learn from me of its' significance and of the exemplary acts of courage that followed, from school it will be another piece of American history.

The only thing that I can hope for is that during this election year our politicians can take a moment from the rhetoric, and pause to reflect as well. The spirit of the day in America, following the attacks on the Towers and the Pentagon and the crash of Flight 93, was that of a united front. We were one, we were shell-shocked, but we were not defeated, because to defeat the American spirit, you would have to eliminate all of us. We draped ourselves in Red, White and Blue, not in Republican or Democrat nor Independent. The voices of the people resounded in a thunderous chorus, sounding off as one. To paraphrase one of my favorite poets, Dylan Thomas; we will not go gently into that good night! We will rise up, for united we stand, and united we were on that warm September morning and the somber days that followed. 

We sometimes need to remember this, especially at a time when our nation is tearing itself apart during a Presidential election. Rather than divide, we need to remember the thread that holds us all together, the thread that keeps us tethered to a flag, a nation, an ideal; that of Freedom and Democracy for all.  I for one will wrap myself in Old Glory,and  in the true tenements that established this country. It is our ideals that others despise, it is viewed by our enemies as our arrogance, but it is not arrogance, but pride. Although we are not perfect, we have had many failings in our history, but we have always held onto the ideal that freedom is a precious right of all citizens. 

This is still a nation that many come to seeking that freedom, and opportunity for a better life. We are and have always been a nation of immigrants, a diversity that strengthen its people, making us stronger and always the beacon calling others to want what we have. So rather wallow in my grief, I will rejoice in my freedom, my pride and my nation. For what other country could produce so many heroes, that came from all walks of life, and selflessly stood together to save their brethren, regardless of the cost to themselves. 

 

In Remembrance to the 2,977 Lives Lost on 9/11. 

To the families, my heart is still with you. 

We will never forget

To my friends, I miss you

Farah Jeudy    Joey Maio    Christopher Scudder

Heroes from the Shadows

"Child abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime."
 ~Herbert Ward

How I would have been delighted to write a raving entry, celebrating the milestones of my children's lives, both recently graduating. One from high school about to move onto a new chapter of her life without me, no longer standing right besides her and directing her which way to go. The other finishing Pre-K, just beginning her journey into life. I would be lying if I didn't say I have some trepidation associated with both of these milestones, but sadly tonight is not a night for rejoicing.

For the past few months we, collectively, have been polarized by the news of what occurred with a former Penn State University football Assistant Coach; Jerry Sandusky. Back on November 4th of 2011, the world of college football was rocked with the indictment of this former Assistant Coach of the Year, on multiple counts of child molestation of young boys. By December of that same year additional boys (now young men) came forward, increasing the counts to 48. Prior to his trial, Mr Sandusky went on an interview spree, essentially nailing his own coffin. In what will be forever seared in our memory was his interview with NBC's Bob Costas, (see full interview below), where upon being asked the question if he (Sandusky) was sexually attracted to young boys. His answer left us all unsettled, with a long pause followed by his most infamous response of; "Sexually attracted, you know, I enjoy young people. I love to be around them. But no I'm not sexually attracted to young boys."

The fall from grace did not only extend to Jerry Sandusky, but to former college football Coach Hall of Famer Joe Paterno and Penn State University as well.  The Nittany Lions had a new moniker to hold onto, and it was not a good one. The further the investigation went into these allegations and continued, more was coming out. It became knowledge that as far back as 1998 he had been under investigation when a mother went to the Police department, filing a report that her son had been inappropriately touched by Jerry Sandusky. Further reports of a janitor having witnessed the oral copulation being performed by Sandusky on an underage child. To continue, the witnessing of Sandusky by another Assistant Mike McQueary, raping a young boy in the locker room shower. All egregious acts, and all seemingly swept under the rug for years.

To further emphasize the monstrous acts of this then accused pedophile, his own adopted son, Matt Sandusky came out with a statement last week, making a claim that he too was a victim of abuse at the hands of his father. His comments have been mitigated by the defense team, to that of an emotionally unstable man.

The trial took place with the standard television news media analyzing every motion, remark and witness statements, taking place in the courtroom. The testimony of eight of the ten accusers was presented by the prosecutors, bringing many in the courtroom to tears. Finally, on Friday a verdict. GUILTY on 44 of the 48 counts brought against him. Although justice has been finally granted to these incredibly courageous young men, we are left with many unanswered questions. Some of us still in shock, in the aftermath of the horrors one man brought to so many. Some of these questions may never be answered, or even answered to our satisfaction. Why didn't Mike McQueary do something to stop what he was hearing? Why did the janitor not flip out at what he saw? Why did the officials at Penn State let this occur, with minor disciplinary actions? Why was it ok for Joe Paterno upon hearing all that he had not gone to the police himself and demand Sandusky's resignation?

One of the greatest injustices we created, while in effort to protect our children; was "Stranger Danger". By making the "Boogie-Man" the focus of the danger to children, we unwittingly made our children more vulnerable to predators like Sandusky. We warned them about the stranger in the park, the man with the candy, or the seemingly nice guy looking for his lost puppy, but never warned them about their coaches or mentors. It almost never even dawned on us to look at the neighbor down the block hosting summer BBQ's, the uncle or family friend as possible predators. According to the FBI profilers; familiar pedophiles groom children to gain their trust, making it easier to gain access and finally achieve their end goal of making victims of these children. A pattern that is exemplified by Sandusky's own demeanor. His involvement through a mentoring program of The Second Mile, for young children in trouble. To look at him (Sandusky) one could say he appeared like anyone's kindly old grandfather; truly a wolf in sheep's clothing.

What I can recall most about these events is the uproar that took place on the campus of Penn State in the Fall of 2011. Students joined in protesting against the demand of Joe Paterno's resignation. A few athletes stood up in defense of Sandusky, claiming that this was all motivated by money. As a mother, I was outraged! Not at the claims, but at the systematic failure to protect those who were so wronged. The excuses of "I didn't know what to do" or 'the situation was pushed up the ladder for discipline". Here is the reality check, time and time again a monster was given access to children. When he was caught, people turned their heads and kept passing the buck, as long as the football program of one of the biggest NCAA Big 10 Conference league was left out of it. This is unforgivable. When a child is molested or abused in any way, you forever change who they were meant to be.

We focused on who we believed the man known as Jerry Sandusky to be. A family man, the leader of an at risk group for young boys, one of the best defensive coaches colleges had ever seen. He had been celebrated as an Adoption Father of the Year,  What we saw was what he wanted us to see. In truth he was a rapist, a master manipulator and the man responsible for destroying the lives of countless young men.

Crimes against children are the most horrific. They are innocent, defenseless and depend on the adults in their lives to protect them. These are the crimes we should be shouting at the top of our lungs across rooftops "ENOUGH!" and help create laws that can uniformly protect them across the board regardless of the state. It is our responsibility as a society to protect those unable to protect themselves. In the wake of the indescribable damage that Jerry Sandusky caused, let there be some enlightenment come through the darkness. It is time that we shine a light on those who lurk in the shadows of these children's' nightmares. We must put an end to these crimes against the most vulnerable of our society, our children.

Finally, I want to address the young men who came forward; you are the bravest of men. The evil you faced and survived cannot be healed with an "I'm sorry" or "Guilty" or even with a monetary award, but know that you gave a voice to the voiceless. Most of all, you gave a voice to your younger selves that were not able to stop the madness. It was never your fault, and you are not victims, you are survivors who are my champions. Thank you for telling your truth, no matter how hard it was to do, you are strong. Always remember that!

Tonight I leave you with a thought of what courage is; because the young men who came forward and their families are courageous heroes.

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." ~Nelson Mandela