Parenthood

I am one in a legion of many, I am a parent. Worse than that I am a mother! You remember what mothers are, we are that half of the parent team that are blamed for all the ills when our children one day lay down at a therapist's office and complain about their lives. We are the ones that seem to have some inexplicable sense of knowing where all things are, for every member of the family. Unfortunately, we are the brunt of many jokes when we become in-laws. Some of us can be over bearing, over protective, and over indulgent, but what we all have in common is that relentless, never ending job, with the worse pay known to man, of raising future adults.

I am preparing to take my daughter to visit a college. These visits are to help shape her decision regarding her future, which frankly hadn't really hit me until a few moments ago. It just came down on me like a ton of bricks that my little chick is leaving the nest. I don't say preparing because the reality is that I have been preparing her since birth. 

I am blessed to have had the great fortune of having this person, my child, grace my life as she has. She is beautiful, intelligent, stubborn and outspoken. Qualities, that as much as I sometimes hate to admit to myself, she got honestly (the not so nice ones from me). My child is kind, considerate of others, with the exception at times being me. This is completely natural and understanding, after all she is not perfect, just close enough to perfection.

So here I am, with the great realization that next year at this time she will be in the midst of embarking on a journey that she will make mostly on her own with me in the distance. No longer on the sidelines, ready to scoop her up if she fell, no longer in front leading her by her hand. She will be doing this with the tools I have tried to give her and now I have to find a new role within her life and the definition of mother.

Still my job is not done, a mother's job never is. I have many new milestones to look forward to. Graduation, her first apartment, a wedding and God willing to see her step into this role of motherhood, one day herself. Scary thought isn't it. I just have to learn to let go of the child and wait on the future of the young woman, who hopefully will still need her mom from time to time.

When I look into those big brown eyes, I still see the baby they placed in my arms. Taking her to college I see the five year old, whose bus I followed on her first day in kindergarten. I kid you not, I am anxious and perhaps a bit wistful that the days where I was a Goddess in her eyes, incapable of mistakes and omnipotent knowing all the answers to her endless queries are behind me now. She will forever make me proud in all she endeavors, and in return makes me proud of a job well done, in rearing her. 

Funny though, I am still looking for the manual that should have come with her at birth, because somewhere there should be a reset button!

Quote for the day and please read and think on this one; "The moment a child is born; the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother never. The mother is something absolutely new."~Rajneesh

First Day of School

Today is a very important day in our house, our youngest turned four! Better than that however, she is beginning her education. Believe it or not she is more excited about the latter. It makes me proud to say that she is enthusiastic about going to school, then again at four what is there not to look forward to. Room filled with other little people such as herself, along with books, toys and a playground.

Now you might be asking why is she starting so late? The reality is I could not register her in March of last year since she was not yet fully immunized or potty trained. She accomplished both and this made us late with registration, (June of 2011) putting her on a waiting list. Her name was drawn in a lottery when a spot opened up and now she begins a new chapter in her life and I too!

Pre-K is what Kindergarten had been when I was a kid. Half days in a classroom with kids five days a week. She is so looking forward to it and I will get a few hours back to myself. I cannot wait for next year when she is in school from 8am until 3pm! I am already singing "OH HAPPY DAY!" in anticipation.  

It is not that I mind being a mom with a toddler all day long to entertain and teach, but frankly I went through this chapter and my eldest is now a senior in high school looking at colleges. Seems as though both my babies are growing up! 

I have done my best with the little one, teaching her the alphabet, how to spell her name, sound out words and add. Just as I had done with her sister. Because I have an affinity for words and books I have tried to pass this on to my kids by reading to them and making books as exciting for them as possible. Showing them that between the covers lies a world onto itself that they can travel to anytime they pick up a book. This gave my oldest daughter a veracious appetite for books, and is always seen reading books for enjoyment, the little one is not too far behind, only asking that we read constantly to her. 

On the eve before her first day I find myself reminiscing about the first day of my oldest daughter in school. I had prepared myself for her tears as I would have to turn and leave her with strangers. I just knew she would want me to stay. To my utter surprise and dismay, she ushered me out the door and was quick to say goodbye. Only to find it was me that wasn't ready, and sat in my car in the parking lot crying at my loss of a baby and the beginning of watching my little girl. So tomorrow I will again be steadfast and try to be brave for her and will hang around in case she needs me, only this time I will bring Kleenex for myself, just in case I am told to leave yet again.