The Common Denominator

No, I am not about to discuss math equations, but I am going to discuss another equation of sorts, a partnership. You ever sit back and watch a carousel? It is an interesting ride, as a child I would love getting on one of those horses, and go up and down, round and round with the music playing in the background. If I held on tight and closed my eyes, I would become transported to a magical place. Similarly, we (men and women), make the same choices when we get in relationships. To explain, we see a beautiful setting, hear the lull of the music, it is all alluring and we get on. We close our eyes, and fall into the ride, a ride I might mention, that really goes nowhere, it just goes around and around.  

Too many people find themselves repeating the same life patterns, having the same relationship with different partners.  The situation is always the same, the part you play is the same, with one exception, the partner across from you is different. The difference however, is only physical, the personality on the other hand; is the same as the first, second, or even the eighth person you began with. This does not mean you are doomed to this fate, as previously discussed in my other blog entries on the topic of love and sex, you make the choice and determine your own happiness.

Human beings require relationships to live. It is almost as necessary as water and air, in order for us to flourish and grow. These relationships however, are not limited to an intimate love relationship, they can be a parenting relationship, a friendship, even the relationship you have with a pet, yet most of us yearn for the companionship that a lover can give us. I purposefully chose that word, lover. Now get you minds out of the gutter, a lover is not only the man or woman you lay with. Just like most things in life we have blurred the lines between love and sex. Although the definition of a lover can mean a sexual partner, the truest context of the word is one who loves you. Perhaps it is that blurring between the lines that has helped us make the numerous mistakes in prior relationships. 

When choosing a lover as a partner, to love us and most of all, to receive our love we cannot always go with the heart. There are times when logic must intercede, and not permit us to continuously fall into the same trap, or we might as well be riding on that carousel. Recently, I have heard both men and women complain about the lack of finding a "good" man or "good" woman to share their lives. Women complain about men who cheat, use, abuse and leave them.  Men complain about women who seek out the financial aspect of their pocket, also cheat and lie, gaming them (the men) for their own benefit and leave when the next guy with more comes along. If any of these scenarios sound familiar to you, continue reading. 


The harshest thing I will say thus far is this; it is your own fault if you find yourself with that type of person in your life more than once. I hope you saw that I said more than once. Had you paid attention to all the signs, you would have known what this person was about. Remember, you invite people into your life, people do not go around grabbing folks off of the streets and force them to set up house. Dr Maya Angelou has said something that I hold onto when it comes to people, and it is an advice I hope you too will heed. "When someone tells you WHO they are, believe them." 


Simple, right? So if a woman looks to you to pay her bills and has no skill set to offer other than a pretty face, step aside and let her be someone else's headache. If a man constantly makes excuses for secret phone calls, or doesn't want to divulge much about himself, get to stepping, in the opposite direction and move on. No one is worth your tears while they are alive, but someone is deserving of your love. You need to remember that love is a gift, not an expectation. It is always easy to say "I love you", the hard part is showing it with action. No, cooking you a meal or two is not actively showing it, and his offering to pay for your nails to be done is not it either. Investing in getting to know you, your life and inviting you into theirs, willingly, now that is the first step in the right direction. So if you find yourself in a place with someone who makes you doubt yourself or your self worth, remember it is okay to leave. If you find yourself in the same situation again and again, well you are the common denominator, and it's time to change the script and get off the carousel.

As always I am going to leave you with some quotes to ponder on. 

"You can break my heart a million times, but I will not fear love. It is not Love that caused my pain, but caring for someone who could not feel my love"~unknown

"Those that go searching for love, only manifest their own loveless -ness. And the loveless never find love, only the loving find love. And they never have to seek for it." ~DH Lawrence

"The key to finding love is securing it within yourself, no one can complete you, love can only enhance you. Love yourself first."~unknown

Lessons learned

Everyone has a story or two in them, I happen to be one with enough to fill many volumes. I have been fortunate enough to have truly lived my life. I was able to travel the world when I was younger, go places on a whim. I think the reason why I crammed so much into my life was because I always had the feeling that it would be short lived. Not that I was some kind of melancholy sort, but always had this sense to enjoy things while I could. Sad thing is that it turned out to a certain degree I was right. I have been living with Multiple Sclerosis for the past 8 years, and it has not been a happy chapter in my life, survivable yes and without question it has taught me some additional valuable lessons.

To begin with I learned that I am a force to be reckoned with. I knew I was strong, but to truly test my inner strength and fortitude had never been put to the test more than when I received my diagnosis. I also learned to appreciate the life that I had lived and would continue to live. No regrets, just lessons along the pathway to help mold my adult years, to one where I can find comfort with myself. I need not surround myself with people to validate who I am.  I learned that family is great, when you have a good one to fall back on, thank goodness I do. 

My life has been an adventure, and although when I was young there were times, upon reflection, where I seemed to have tried to derail it.  Youth and it's ignorance, I suppose, but I  know now a lot of my early decisions were fear based. This theme of fear, whatever the fear may have been from, fueled some of my dumbest moves.  If I could go back I would tell my younger me to enjoy and trust in life more and not be in a rush or so scared.

Now why am I sharing this mini biopic about my life you are wondering? It is my intro to this poetry I had written, not just for me, but for my girlfriends. I had learned the lesson that is in my poetry already, but wanted them to have something tangible to help serve as a reminder, perhaps to be a reminder for me as well. I am grateful I am wiser and older now, but to the me of yesteryear, we did okay kid and thanks for the ride. So thank you for dealing with my long winded intro, but I now present to you a piece of poetry from my past.

GOOD-BYE

YOU DON'T NEED ME

YOU HAVE SOMEONE ALREADY

YOU DIDN'T NEED TO STEP TO ME

WHISPERING TO ME DEEP INTO THE NIGHT

TELLING ME WORDS YOU KNOW

I LONG TO HEAR

MAKING ALL OF YOUR LIES SEEM SO REAL

BUT THIS IS THE TRUTH

AS PAINFUL AS IT MAY BE

YOU HAVE SOMEONE ALREADY YOU DON'T NEED ME

YOU PROMISED HER YOU HEART

YOU ARE HER MAN

WITH HER YOU SHARE A LIFE

SHE IS YOUR WOMAN

SHE IS YOUR WIFE

SO WHERE AM I IN THIS EQUATION

I AM NUMBER TWO, THREE OR FOUR

DEPENDING ON YOUR TIME

OR THE DAY OF THE WEEK

I AM BUT THE EXCUSE

THE REASON WHY YOU WORKED LATE

THE TIME YOU STAYED OUT WITH YOUR BOYS

I AM YOUR GIRL ON THE SIDE

I AM THAT BOOTY THAT IS ALWAYS ON CALL

WHAT IS WORSE, I BECAME YOUR FOOL

AND WHO ARE YOU TO ME

NO ONE ANYMORE

TOOK ME A MINUTE TO WAKE UP

FROM THIS DREAM THAT YOU WOVE FOR ME

MADE UP OF SO MANY UNTRUTHS

DECEIT, BROKEN PROMISES, LIE

ON TOP OF LIE

THIS REALITY CHECK IS WHAT 

I NEEDED TO FINALLY BREAK FREE

TO REMEMBER THAT I DESERVE MORE

TO REMEMBER MY WORTH

TO BE SOMEONE'S NUMBER ONE

AS HE WOULD BE FOR ME

SO GO BACK HOME AND KISS YOUR WIFE

SAY GOOD-BYE TO ME

SAY GOOD-BYE TO THE MYTH 

THAT ONCE WAS US

I REMEMBERED, IN CASE YOU FORGOT

YOU DON'T NEED ME

YOU HAVE SOMEONE ALREADY

AND I WILL JUST WAVE GOOD-BYE 

AS YOUR ASS WALKS OUT THE DOOR