HOLY CRAP! How my generation ruined America's future

Now that I got your attention, I know that many of you are automatically disagreeing with me. However, I am going to point out a few harsh truths to support my argument. There seems to be a "dummy-ing" down of America's youth, and the parents (those who are my peers) appear to be at ease with this.

I have always been one who marched to the tune of my own drummer, and not one to follow the crowd. I had a spirit of individuality that was reinforced by my parents. They taught me to work hard for everything, and to have integrity, I in turn passed these same values to my own children. I was never one out to seek the popularity contest with my kids, nor was I interested in being their friend. That was not in the job profile under mother. 

My fellow former classmates have decided however that this "friendship" was integral to child rearing. What it has seemed to produce is an entire generation of kids who cannot distinguish an adult from their peer. When I was growing up, adults were "Mr. So-and-So" or "Mrs. So-and-So". Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought to call one of my friends' parents by their first name. I had to teach my daughter's friends that I was NOT Christine to them, or CeCe, that was reserved for their parents, to them I was Mrs Benjamin. One parent actually called me to tell me I was wrong to correct her child, and that she encouraged her kids to be "buds" with her friends. Needless to say we differed in our parenting approach, and the outcome of her kids will be posted at the end of the blog. 

Growing up my parents gave me chores and I was required to have a job on top of those chores. I was expected to maintain my grades and have a job, because they were preparing me for life. Fortunately, my job was a flexible one; babysitting! Back then I didn't see the point with the exception of the extra cash that was in my pocket at the end of the week. I did everything from babysitting, to life guarding, being a waitress and even delivering newspapers, either way, I had a hustle. These jobs paid for my new shoes, designer jeans, and Lord help me as I date myself; records or tapes. Today's youth don't seem to have this same demand placed on them. I hear too many parents say; "It's too much with all that they have to do already!" What? Now they aren't capable of doing what generations before them could? Have the children we bore come out more fragile then us?

Then we go to the actual education of these young minds, today we have more work for them to do with less information going in. A feat that I am still trying to figure out, yet there are actual graduates of prominent high schools that cannot answer the simplest of questions. Recently one night I was watching a documentary, and the interviewer asked college students a few questions. Nothing too difficult, like how do you split an atom? Below is the actual exchange that left me speechless.

Interviewer: "Why do we celebrate the 4th of July?"
College student 1: "To mark the end of World War I and II."

Interviewer: "Who did America claim its' independence from?"
College Student 2: "Easy, France."
College Student 3: "Germany?"
College Student 4: "The British..." (ahh finally there is hope!)"..Columbia, yeah British Columbia." (Damn, I breathed too soon)

This is a result of our allowing civics and basic social studies courses to have been removed from the curriculum.  We didn't stop there, we allowed schools to eliminate Penmanship, learning to write in script, Music, Arts, and Phys Ed every semester. Perhaps this is because we fail to realize the importance of these courses, but that have an important role to play in developing brains. When a child is given paper, crayons, odds and ends and told have at it, the child looks perplexed. This is because we have removed the engaging part of their brain that evolves to be the problem solver, because rather to let them be, we show them what to do step-by-step. Eliminating the need to think for themselves, instead we insist that they conform. 

Worse still, we have removed competition. We have games where there is no score being kept, evidently in the new Utopian world my peers are dreaming up competition is a bad thing. I do not know why we have deviated so far from the path. Our parents did not raise a bunch of self indulgent, instant gratifying individuals, yet somehow, we thought (not all but many of us) that this was a better way to be. I say NO MORE. 

 There is plenty of time in the future when we grow old to become our children's friend, but until these people are out on their own, we have a job to do. Make certain they are educated, can sustain a life for them selves apart from us, and to think for themselves. This will not happen if we don't use the basics. I may not have all the answers, but so far my kids are turning out pretty damn well. 

I believe this parenting job outstretches the four walls of the house. So here are my suggestions to helping raise a better child. Pay attention, some of you may recognize your own parents in this advice.

To begin with, remember education begins at home, so start with reading to your kids from the moment you bring them home from the hospital. Books and reading should not be kryptonite to your kids. This is where their imagination is given its' first spark. They have to envision the scenes.

Enough with trying to be their buddies, that is what their peers are for. Your mom and dad weren't cool when you were a kid, and your kids don't necessarily want you to hang with them. It is okay to tell them NO! I assure you following the tantrum if thrown, they will recover, even more they will be grateful for the rules.

Have expectations for your children. They need to learn to set goals and more importantly, they need to learn how to achieve them. If you expect nothing, guess what, you get nothing. If you expect and demand the best, they might surprise you and exceed your expectations. Now this does not mean to become Joan Crawford on them, but encourage them when you tell them what you expect of them. Let them know you are well aware that they are smart and capable of achieving anything, as long as they set their mind to it.

The most important is expect to fail! Try as we may we will mess up, that is okay. It does not mean that we owe them the keys to the city because we messed up. Step back, assess the damage, and go back to the basics. That means give them curfews, punish when warranted, take away the car keys, iPhone, tablet or whatever. Remind them that YOU are the parent and are on the job 24 hours a day for life, therefore you get to make the rules. 

In my home my kids can't even turn on the television without permission. A friend asked me how did I do that? As if it were a parlor trick, that is when I noted that I had expected my kids to follow rules, while she did not. Earlier, I said I would tell you of what happened to the woman that called me about telling her daughter not to call me by my first name. Well, while my daughter graduated and went on to a competitive university to continue her education, her daughter is hanging out at home, without a job or a high school diploma. There was no reason her child couldn't have succeeded. She had a two parent home, access to the best of everything, but she was never told no and nothing was ever expected of her. I don't say that could have been my kid, because I would not allow it to be, and upon giving it some serious thought, neither should any of us. Remember, eventually they will be in charge when we have lost our faculties, who do you want taking care of you when you're old and feeble.

Until we collectively take control and shift the direction of our youths, we really don't have anyone to blame but ourselves for the mess that they leave. Remember, this is merely my opinion, but if you see yourself or think there is room for improvement, have at it. If you have been nodding in agreement, pass it on. The only way we can make a change is if we make the change.

As always, here are some quotes to ponder: 

"Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

"The goal in raising one's child is to enable him, first, to discover who he wants to be, and then to become a person who can be satisfied with himself and his way of life. Eventually he ought to be able to do in his life whatever seems important, desirable, and worthwhile to him to do; to develop relations with other people that are constructive, satisfying, mutually enriching; and to bear up well under the stresses and hardships he will unavoidably encounter during his life."~ Bruno Bettleheim

Reviving Me

*It has been a while since I have written, but I had lost my desire for writing, or communicating with others until recently. The article below explains the why. I hope you can understand, while I appreciate and savor this moment as I make my return to the blog-o-sphere. Note this article deals with depression. If you or someone you know is thinking of suicide, please reach out for help and call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255. There is no shame, and there is always hope.
  
A few years ago, a guy I had known killed himself due to severe depression. Although sympathetic to his pain, my mind could not wrap itself around how a parent could do this to his children. In my mind, there had to be more than depression to lead someone down the path to take their own life and leave the wake that they do for friends and family to pick up and try to make sense of. I had a lot of pity for him, and his wife and kids. 

Today, I have a clearer understanding of the bleak despair that he must have felt that day and the many days before; leading to his final decision. Although it pains me to say that I have a better understanding, I am relieved that I made it through the other side to tell my tale. Even though I have lived my life looking for the positive in everything, facing each obstacle that was placed in my path head on. Finding courage when I thought I had nothing left to give, I found myself in an abyss that shed no light my way, worse it did not allow for me to see the glint of light that was trying to find me. 

I began this year with such optimism, convinced that a surgery was all I needed and back to my daily duties I will return. Little did I know that one surgery would turn into five (5) and a desperate fight for my life. I underwent severe trauma to my body, my mind and emotional health. In the end I made it through the physical portions with the help of my husband, parents, family and friends. I had a team of top doctors and nurses, trying to undo the damage that nearly took me off the planet, my mind however did not heal at the same rate as the rest of me. 

Here I was, a survivor of everything life has ever thrown my way; divorce, Multiple Sclerosis, renal cancer, postpartum eclampsia, C-Dif, through it all I pushed through and came out with a better outlook on life and a greater appreciation for everyday and the simple joys that life has to give. Yet, even I was not prepared for what awaited me this past winter. Although I was able to overcome most of the physical challenges that had befallen me, there was something more dangerous and insidious than the viruses that almost took my leg and life that was happening. No one noticed that I was slowly disappearing into the blackness of my own depression. I cannot tell just when it began, or how I found myself looking at life through a prism that truly was foreign to me. What I can tell you, is that I was there. I wallowed in it, bathed in it, hell I was drinking the Kool-Aid that was leading me to see only pain, sorrow without end in sight. 

The pain that my mind was fixated on was very real and had the ability to only been seen and experienced by me. Worse than that, I found that the "essence" of who I thought I was as a person, a mother, wife, daughter and sister was eroding away. I was becoming lost and the deeper into the darkness my mind wandered, the more difficult it was for me to find the way out. Finally I found myself there, in the pit that swallows some of us whole and doesn't let us go. I was in the clutches of the monster called depression, it had no intention of letting me go. Strangely, there was a comfort in the thoughts of ending it all. No more pain, no more surgeries, no more difficulties, my dark thoughts had me rationalizing the actual benefits of not having to go on another day. Rather than running in the opposite direction of such ideas, the thought of sleeping and never waking up were beginning to be hatched. Just how many pain killers would it take? Would drinking alcohol speed it up?

Then I saw my youngest daughter, after having not seen her face for 2 months, or smelling her sweet smell or hearing her giggle and watching her smile with her eyes as well as her mouth. Her utter joy and innocence had yanked me forcibly out of the pit. If only for a moment, that moment was enough to allow me to see where I was. Although I would be swallowed back into the depths of hell; this time I was armed with something to save me. It was as if my daughter threw me a flashlight to assure me a way back to her, my family, more importantly to me.  My journey back has been a long an arduous process, involving the first most important step of asking for help.

Fortunately, I had the means and where with all to recognize that I was in trouble and in need of some serious help or this would be the end of the line for me. I felt immense guilt almost immediately, realizing the weight of my life had been placed squarely  on the shoulders of a five year old girl. She was not aware of what I had done, but I was and with my state of mind it caused a lot of internal conflict. Reaching for help was difficult. At first I think people thought I was saying I was suicidal as a euphemism, not acknowledging the seriousness of my statement, or where I was in my thoughts. 

Today, I am better. I don't have those same dark thoughts, but I can tell you I am well aware of their proximity. Talk therapy was what helped me finally get rid of my demons that were fervently holding onto me. I am home, and still undergoing physical therapy on a long road to recovery. I am grateful to say that I finally do see the light, and although this experience has changed me, I am one of the fortunate ones that battled depression and came through.  Many like my old friend, do not win the battle and sadly leave many of us behind scratching our heads with a lot of whys. This is not how I plan on going out of this life. No for me it will be a fight, teeth and all. I refuse to go down without fighting for every moment, because this life is all that we have and I, for one, want mine to mean something more than that I was here.

The following quotes helped me through some very trying times, and it wouldn't be a blog entry of mine without a quote or two. Thank you for welcoming me back, until next time.

"If you're going through hell, keep going." ~ Winston Churchill

"It always seems impossible until it's done."~ Nelson Mandela

Let's Talk Politics

ap·a·thy [ap-uh-thee] noun, plural ap·a·thies

1.absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement.

2.lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.

3.Also, ap·a·thei·a, ap·a·thi·a  Stoicism . freedom from emotion of any kind.

di·vi·sive [dih-vahy-siv] adjective.  Related forms di·vi·sive·ly, adverb di·vi·sive·ness, noun

1. forming or expressing division or distribution.
2. creating dissension or discord.

No, I am not making my blog into the latest version of the Merriam Webster Dictionary. I purposefully chose these two words to best express what I believe has pervaded our country's current state of affairs. The apathy that we suffer from is what has allowed the perversion of our very foundation; our democracy. 

We sat by, and were seemingly apathetic to the corruption of some politicians and the CEO's that were sitting in positions of power at conglomerates. The common denominator for all and the one thing that unified them; GREED. The incessant need for more money, more power and at all costs.  Today a CEO at multibillion dollar corporation is making more than 300 times the lowest wage earner at his company. In the 1970's, when this country faced another rough economy the ratio did not reflect this same drastic difference. On the average the highest wage earner at a company would make 10 to 15 times more than that of the lowest wage earner. We've come a long way baby,... and not in a good way. 

When discussing our collective apathy, it is in reference to our not balking or rising up with disdain when we all saw the writing on the wall. When home prices rose exponentially, yet the median income did not. We lived beyond our means, most living on credit and no one said a word. When the bottom fell out we were aghast, and then had the udder audacity to be perplexed as to how it all happened. Today we find ourselves still reeling from one of the most catastrophic economic crisis this country has seen in over 75 years. This economic downfall and slow turn around has made us nervous and susceptible to fear and paranoia, making us ripe for the picking when it comes to our votes for a politician. Like a charlatan, they will make the promise that they can rescue us, and give us the golden roads we once had. Welcome to the presidential elections, enter divisiveness, following swiftly behind.

How great it is to be an American, a country where your voice is heard with the simple casting of a vote! Although today have set a different tone, with talks and proposed legislation to bring on voter suppression. I cannot remember when this country was ever so divided. It is one thing to support your party, and or candidate weather you are a Republican or a Democrat, but to go to the levels of throwing blatant lies, distortions of the truth and out right smearing is simply outrageous. 

My contention is not with the candidates themselves, I am certain both men are intelligent (having both graduated from Harvard Law), and are loyal respectable family men. I am also certain that it is not the objective of either candidate to intentionally divide the citizens of the nation that want to lead. However, it is becoming the result of their campaign supporters and Super PACs. 

Although I know that mudslinging has become as common in the course of running for elected office, as slapping a bumper sticker on your car is, the divisive nature of the mudslinging is not constructive to creating an effective democracy. Lately when turning on the television we are thrown into a world of political pundits spewing their opinion as fact. Gone are the days of debating issues, and each candidate presenting a platform on which they stand. It is almost as if I am tuning to Friday Fight Night, all that is missing is Howard Cosell sitting ring side giving the blow by blow. "In this corner we have the Right Wing Conservative Mitt Romney, hailing from Massachusetts....and in the other corner we have the Left Wing Liberal POTUS Barack Obama holding steadfast for a second term...ding ding." Really is this what we want from our leaders? To challenge each other not on record, or their abilities, but who has more dirt than who? 

In comes the subterfuge of the Super PAC. Pick a side folks, don't stand by the sidelines and try to weigh out the issues and actually think. There is a quote that comes to mind with regards to the discord that exists currently and never has this quote  been more relative until now. It is this; "Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong." ~Richard Armour.  

The reason I wrote this blog was in part due to the nonstop chatter that has been taking place on social media. It is my expansion on a status that I had posted in hopes to reign in the continuous negative postings I was seeing. What I had stated then was that if you have to insult and lie about your opponent then maybe you lack confidence in your candidate. What had been a place for me to catch up with family and friends, has now become a war zone. In particular for me I have two friends that are passionate about their candidates. While I can appreciate their passion, I cannot handle the constant insulting posts they have insulting the opponent. To bring into question the birth right of Barack Obama, who I might remind everyone was born to an American mother, regardless of where you think he was born. If it was a legitimate birth for Mitt Romney's father, it is for Mr Obama. Also the inference that Mitt Romney is concerned only with making money and cannot see beyond the dismantling of businesses and will in turn do the same to America. ENOUGH! Let us weigh the issues, and find who is best for the job. 
 

Those who feel disenfranchised there is a simple solution, VOTE, let your voice be heard. If you believe in leveling out the playing field, take a look at the Democrats and their platform. If you are more concerned about keeping government small and not having a large role in your life, examine the Republican party and listen to what their candidate is actually saying. Collectively what we all must do is stop listening to the noise. Gather fact and get rid of the fiction, and please remember, this too shall pass. This is a nation that has survived elections, drought, recessions and inflation. What makes us unique in the world is that America, regardless of what has gone on, We Are Resilient. We can and have weathered the storms, we are an optimistic sort, and perhaps our optimism to a better America will be the America we all can come together to create.

Being this is my blog, I cannot end an entry without a quote or two. Influenced by the constant references to the founding fathers, (and some manipulation to suit a party's need), I want to leave you with some quotes from them to ponder. Their words are as relevant today as they were over 400 years ago. As always thank you for reading, and please remember to vote.

"Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost."   — John Quincy Adams 

 " Liberty cannot be preserved without a general knowledge among the people." - John Adams 

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not." ~ Thomas Jefferson

"It is universally admitted that a well-instructed people alone can be permanently a free people." - James Madison

 "I think the best way of doing good to the poor, is not making them easy in poverty, but leading or driving them out of it." - Benjamin Franklin

In Remembrance of the Fallen

There isn't a New Yorker that I know of, that will not shed a tear today. Whether it is while they are alone, or surrounded by others, also joining in mourning. Today is September 11th. A day that is forever seared in our hearts and minds, a day that America found out that terror can and will visit itself upon our shores, a day that we remember the fallen.

It also happens to be a Tuesday, the same day when the heinous tragic act of terrorism took place. I remember that day of eleven years ago as clearly as if it were yesterday. I can still feel the air of that morning, I also still feel the slight panic I had from running late for work, knowing I had a ten a.m. project meeting. The worst is I can still smell the odor that lingered in the air from the aftermath.  

Here we are eleven years later and I still can't bring myself to go downtown. I had an opportunity to go recently for a family function, during the drive; once we got past Varrick Street, I held my breath. Though the skyline has changed permanently, in my mind's eye it is all still the same, making what my eyes actually see hard to digest. Still when I look to the city from New Jersey, I search for those two towers, in a city I once called home, and still so many years later I am distressed to see they are gone from my vision. I suppose it is the same for many of those who were there or have a connection to the Towers.
 
Normally, on this solemn day I retreat. First within myself, then, from the world outside (read previous post: Remembrance). I take this time to reflect, cry and remember.  I remember my friends, coworkers, the people I stood next to on the elevator, whose name I never knew, and the countless faces that no longer grace us with their presence. I hear the sound of the whistling hiss that ran through the air, sounding like a missile before the ground shook for a second time when the South Tower was hit. This year I want something different, this year I want to say thank you,..again.

I want to thank those courageous first responders, who willingly, without concern for themselves, came into the fire while we ran for our lives. I want to thank the firefighters, police officers and EMS that acted out of bravery, to save the lives of strangers. I want to give thanks to the soldiers who stood guard, and those who went to far off lands, in order to fight in two wars for our nation. I also want to thank those brave passengers, who took it upon themselves to give their own lives, rather than be used to cause further carnage on American soil. All of the above mentioned, were willing to pay with the ultimate sacrifice,..their lives for our FREEDOM.

A lot has happened since that day eleven years ago. I got remarried and had another child, a daughter who is still too young to understand what occurred on this day, in the not so distant past.  She will learn from me of its' significance and of the exemplary acts of courage that followed, from school it will be another piece of American history.

The only thing that I can hope for is that during this election year our politicians can take a moment from the rhetoric, and pause to reflect as well. The spirit of the day in America, following the attacks on the Towers and the Pentagon and the crash of Flight 93, was that of a united front. We were one, we were shell-shocked, but we were not defeated, because to defeat the American spirit, you would have to eliminate all of us. We draped ourselves in Red, White and Blue, not in Republican or Democrat nor Independent. The voices of the people resounded in a thunderous chorus, sounding off as one. To paraphrase one of my favorite poets, Dylan Thomas; we will not go gently into that good night! We will rise up, for united we stand, and united we were on that warm September morning and the somber days that followed. 

We sometimes need to remember this, especially at a time when our nation is tearing itself apart during a Presidential election. Rather than divide, we need to remember the thread that holds us all together, the thread that keeps us tethered to a flag, a nation, an ideal; that of Freedom and Democracy for all.  I for one will wrap myself in Old Glory,and  in the true tenements that established this country. It is our ideals that others despise, it is viewed by our enemies as our arrogance, but it is not arrogance, but pride. Although we are not perfect, we have had many failings in our history, but we have always held onto the ideal that freedom is a precious right of all citizens. 

This is still a nation that many come to seeking that freedom, and opportunity for a better life. We are and have always been a nation of immigrants, a diversity that strengthen its people, making us stronger and always the beacon calling others to want what we have. So rather wallow in my grief, I will rejoice in my freedom, my pride and my nation. For what other country could produce so many heroes, that came from all walks of life, and selflessly stood together to save their brethren, regardless of the cost to themselves. 

 

In Remembrance to the 2,977 Lives Lost on 9/11. 

To the families, my heart is still with you. 

We will never forget

To my friends, I miss you

Farah Jeudy    Joey Maio    Christopher Scudder

The Elephant in the Room

I would be remiss, if in my blog I did not talk about the "Elephant" in the room, the Presidential election of 2012. Although I know the rule of thumb is to never discuss race, religion and politics with neighbors, family or friends at a dinner party, but sometimes you just can't avoid it.  Although I will not be discussing in this blog post my own political affiliation or choice, it would remove from the point I will be trying to make, there is a possibility that it may pop up; so my apologies ahead of time.

Recently, I came across a photo (see above), and it struck me that tensions are high this year, higher than it has been in years. I have seen fellow bloggers go off their main course of topic in their posts, dedicating it to the end of President Obama or the ruin of the GOP. There has been misinformation, misleading ads on both sides of the fence, some to the point of causing this woman nausea. At times it is shameful, distasteful but this is what American politics has come to. Regardless of where you stand, personal attacks are never warranted when the discussion of the state of our nation and how it is to be governed, is concerned. 

In 2008, we were a country at the precipice of the worst economic free fall it had seen in over 75 years. We, the American people had been clueless as to how serious the situation was, today we have not yet recovered. Is it wrong for us to have expected more? No, but it was foolish to think that in four years all things would be back to normal. The reality check is this, we will never have the economy of the past again, because we (collectively) partied like it was 1999 and when we got the bill were shocked that we had to pay for it.

The continuous deregulating of banks and Wall Street, was only going to bite us in the proverbial ass. Deregulations, that admittedly occurred by both parties. The out-sourcing of jobs; and you know what I am talking about if you ever dialed customer service and had a chance to speak with "Chuck" from Mumbai; jobs that once upon a time were always here. This too cost us, and again was contributed to by both parties. 

For years, I have been balking about the disappearing middle class in America. Today the middle class seems to be the "go-to" word of the  political pundits. The shame is in order for us to remain a society with more than two classes, we the people need to start playing a more active role in our politics. Not by bashing one another, but rather by finding a way to compromise across the aisle to benefit all, not just one. Yet, we seem to be stuck in the mire of being right and see compromise as a weakness instead of a strength.

Last week I watched the RNC and I listened to the speakers, and the candidates, some said things that struck me as good, some that struck me as poor, point is I listened. Listening is the key, and it is my fervent hope that those that were elected to serve listen too. 

This week was the DNC's turn to talk to America, and tell us their platform. The pundits were talking about how the Obama/Biden ticket has lost its' hype and luster that it had in 2008. I find this statement to be a sad commentary. I, for one am not looking to go back, and most definitely not back to four years ago, when we were falling apart and bleeding at the seams.

I could make an argument for President Barack Obama, and why he should be re-elected. There are many things that his administration has accomplished that I benefited from. "OBAMACARE" (another word I despise, it's Universal Healthcare), had it been in existence in 2002 when I was first diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, might have prevented me from being in a wheelchair today. In the same breath I could make an argument for Governor Mitt Romney, mostly because he was the architect for the healthcare system that now exists, and his business acumen might be beneficial to this nation, but I won't make either. 

The decision that we make when we go to the polls in November is for your own self. It is a decision that should be made intelligently, weighing the pros and the cons of both candidates. This means we have to go to work and become informed. If you are a Democrat, make certain that your ideas and ideals are what your candidate supports. If you are a Republican, do the same. What we cannot do and most definitively should not do is separate the country. 

What I mean by this is we are not a nation of Blues and Reds, we are a country of diversity. To make us into two is defeatist, it takes away from who we are as a nation. I have stated this before, but it bears re-mentioning; on September 12th in 2001 we were a nation of Red, White and Blue. Street after street were draped in our flag, showing a nation's pride at a time when we had been under attack. Should it only take another heinous act of terrorism, to bring forward our Nationalism? We, the people, are just that, people, people who stand united for one Nation, under one flag. Not people for Red or Blue alone. If we keep this in mind no matter what the outcome we should be able to look at one another the following the morning, and remember whatever happens, we are in this together. I say this because regardless; there is no better nation on this earth that I would want to call home. To quote a song; "I am proud to be an American!"

No matter what comes about, I have faith in this great nation of ours. We are a nation that was built on an idea. Think about that, we did not come from Kings or Queens, the country and highest office of the land was not bequeath to one family or one group. It was a group of those who were defiant and decidedly took hold of an idea, the idea of freedom. We are still a young nation, and we have had our share of bad moves and mistakes, but we weathered every storm we faced, only to stand together as one. Defiant? Yes. Resilient? Yes. Everlasting? I believe so. No matter what; to quote Vice President Joe Biden, "It is never a safe bet to bet against America or its people!"

If you are an regular follower of my blog, you know that I have to sign off with a quote; and I do not want to disappoint, so here it goes: 

"Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future. "~John F. Kennedy

Bittersweet

I am back. After a hiatus for the summer I am returning to the blog-o-sphere. I hope your summer was good to you. I spent my summer packing my eldest daughter for college. Going through much of her belongings, deciding what she wanted to take, toss or save at home. Also I have been getting my youngest ready for her entry in elementary school. One in college, one in Kindergarten, both milestones, but taxing for this mom. This blog entry is about my experience on sending the eldest off to her university to start her college career.  It's an exciting year ahead of me, and I plan on blogging  as often as possible. Thanks for reading!
 
 


bit·ter·sweet/ˈbitərˌswēt/

Adjective:

(of food, drink, or flavor) Sweet with a bitter aftertaste.

That is the definition of bittersweet, but honestly for me it has taken a whole new meaning. As I write this blog, I am full of mixed emotions. I am both happy, yet sad, excited, yet cautious, all due to my eldest daughter's beginning her college experience.

Recently, my husband and I drove her to school. We all knew this day was coming, it had been expected. For me, there was no other option, when this now young woman standing before me at 5 feet 10 inches, was first placed in my arms eighteen years ago. What was not anticipated are the mixed emotions that I am now dealing with.

While a part of me is rejoicing at a job well done, another part of me is wishing I could just set the clock back to when she was five and held my hand, as "WE" explored the world around her together. Me, the protective mother lioness, looking over her cub, encouraging her to venture further than she thought possible, knowing all the while I was within reach to pull her out of harm's way. 

The truth is I am a little jealous. I know it is a strange emotion to admit to, but the jealousy is in knowing that she will be sharing new life experiences without me. For eighteen years I shared in her achievements, her stumbles, her dreams and it had been my duty bound responsibility to prepare her for this time of her life. Looking back I should have been preparing myself to let go. 

While on the university campus, my husband and I were one set of parents, in a sea of parents. Each who were leaving our children, so they may begin their lives in adulthood. Hard to believe that I leave her here, hoping that I did enough in preparing her for her future. I heard a lot of parents telling their children a list of "DON'Ts". DON'T DRINK, DON'T DO DRUGS, DON'T HAVE SEX, DON'T FAIL OUT, DON'T, DON'T, DON'T. I rather not leave my daughter with "DON'Ts" but instead a list of DOs.

So here they are; from me to her as she embarks into the world without me.

• DO go into everything with gusto. You can't experience life without tasting it first.
• DO spread your wings, and explore who you are. These college years are a gift to you to discover who you are.
• DO try your best. You can't accomplish anything unless you try first and try whole heartedly.
• DO  embrace your failures as much as your successes. You learn more from your mistakes then you can from your accomplishments.
• DO remember that YOU are the captain of the ship that is your destiny. Your life choices are your own now, so think of what you want from life and keep focused on the end goal. You can achieve anything, because I taught you!

And finally, DO keep in mind that I am here for you. No matter how far, or how near, I am your cheerleader, your champion, your friend, your confidant, most of all your mother. It has been a privilege and honor to be with you from your first breath, your first walk, your first words and I will continue to be here. There is nothing that you can do that will ever disappoint me, or make me anything other than proud of you. For you are my daughter, capable of ANYTHING that you desire.

As I drove away, I took a look at my daughter, with tears streaming down my face; I thought to myself, "Where did the time go?". I know she is a young woman now, but to me she is my baby. Our whole life together flashed through my mind. In an instant, every memory, every laugh, every argument were running through my head and as I wiped my tears away I could see, she was ready and I had to let go. Now I won't lie to you and say this is easy, it is a process, one that I will get through, as will she.
 

To those who read my blog I have this to say. Motherhood is the only job that you invest your all and when you finally get good at it, you are forced into retirement. It can be a thankless job, a difficult job and the pay most definitely sucks! I marvel at my mother more and more everyday, knowing that she sent her girls off and watched us make our lives without her standing right besides us. I made a good life for myself, and think the job was well done because she taught me by example. So to all the mothers out there who sacrifice themselves for their kids, "GOOD JOB MOM!". We will not see a return on our heart filled investment until they are parents themselves. So keep trudging along, be ready to be fired when they turn 18, just remember it will be worth it in the end.

This wouldn't be a proper return to my blog without leaving a quote. It took a long time to find just what I wanted to say.

"When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States"~Erma Bombeck 

Peace,...at least for now

The other day I blogged about my love for sports, and prior to that I had posted a poem about running and my longing to run again. Friday night, the compilation of these two loves arrived, the 2012 Olympics. I suppose my love affair for The Games, began in 1976. I can remember sitting in the family room; being the 70's, it was the designated room that held the television for us kids to watch. It was the summer that I was turning 10 years old. It had been officially known as Games of the XXI Olympiad, and being held in a city I knew all too well, Montreal, in Quebec, Canada.

When you are ten years old, the world and its' policies do not directly impact your world, at least not from your point of view. Your world at ten is primarily made up of your family, neighbors, school and the occasional urban myths you learn at slumber parties. World affairs are not on your top ten list, let alone the top 100, on your list of concerns. 1976 had already been an interesting year in my young life; as it happened to be our nation's Bi-Centennial year. During the school year, we had gone on field trips dressed in colonial clothes to historic sites in the area, and learned the meaning of the Revolutionary War. I believe that was the closest I had come to learning about world affairs, even if it had been historical, in my young life. 

Then the summer games began on July 17th, of that same year. I was hooked, mesmerized even, and unbeknownst to me, I was witnessing history being made. I saw a young Bruce Jenner win the decathlon, breaking and setting world records.  I was fortunate to see a girl, not much older than myself, from Romania named Nadia Comaneci score seven perfect 10's and go on to win 3 gold medals, including the "All-Around". The United States had it's best ever boxing team, made up of five of our best boxers; Sugar Ray Leonard, Leon Spinks, Michael Spinks, Leo Randolph and Howard Davis Jr. winning gold medals in boxing. It is no surprise that out of the five American gold medalists in boxing, all but Davis went on to become professional world champions.

Sadly, the games had already changed. Following what had occurred during the Munich Games, security was now also a priority. I was too young to remember the tragic events of the Munich games that had been held only four years earlier. The massacre of nine Israeli athletes and their coach, by a group of Palestinian terrorists marred the event, casting a shadow on the wins and records set.

This past Friday night however, I delighted again watching the opening ceremonies, as had an estimated one billion around the world. Security still plays a major factor, even more so with the world being in the chaos that it finds itself in at the moment. Yet, for a few weeks in London, all eyes will be on the host city and the athletes, representing their respective countries. Two-hundred and four countries are participating in this summer's Games, competing and facing challenges, all with one purpose. To do their best and push beyond their limits. It is not only about the wins, or the medals, it isn't even about placing; what it is about is doing their personal best; not just for country but for themselves.  

What is absolutely wonderful about the games, is that with the world focused on the events, there is peace, or the illusion of it for a moment in time. In a city, that is the only one in the history of the Olympics, to be the host city three times; thousands of athletes, from different walks of life, varying cultures, will reside near one another. Here there will not be talk of the ills of mankind; but rather the wonderment of what mankind can accomplish. We will witness peace, of 204 countries working together with one goal collectively, to present the best of the best doing their best and presenting the world with wondrous Olympic Games to go down in the history books. Just as they have in the days of Greece thousands of years ago.

The opening ceremony allowed us a glimpse of this peace, as we watched with delight the presentation that London gave us on Friday night. It was moving, and touched me hearing the International Children's Choir sing. To see the interpretation that the London Olympic committee gave, in welcoming the world to center stage. To see former Olympic (and World Boxing Champion) Muhammad Ali touch the Olympic flag, carried in by those whose efforts has been to help the world with humanitarian efforts; symbolized the real meaning of the games. Unity. 

Perhaps the most touching moment for me, was the lighting of the torch. Traditionally, it has been given to one person to have the honor. During this ceremony, it was done by future hopeful Olympic athletes, sponsored by former Olympiads. The connection of past to future, from those who achieved to those working towards that same goal, filled the stadium with hope. For me; where there is hope, there is possibility. The greatest of which is peace in the world.  So, for the next few weeks there will be hope, peace and endless possibilities for some to break records, and even for some to achieve the unimaginable. Regardless, I will be watching, with bated breath, rooting for my country, but mostly rooting for the peace that exists in the Olympic Village, extending to the world. Maybe these 204 countries will finally recognize that it is possible, without war, without guns, but with sharing one purpose and one goal. Today it is the Games, tomorrow, who knows.

I will sign off with a notation before my quotes; during the games I will be on hiatus from the internet. I will return to post once again, following the games and sending my eldest off to college.  Enjoy your summer and enjoy the games! Now for some quotes from former Olympic Athletes.

"I wish people would love everybody else the way they love me. It would be a better world." ~ Muhammad Ali

"When we stage the Olympics it will inspire kids all over the country. A kid in Scotland or Ireland will be encouraged to take."~ Daley Thompson

"The Olympics have been with the world since 776 B.C., and have only been interrupted by war, especially in the modern era."~Bill Toomey

Another American Tragedy

Special Note: To begin with; my prayers and condolences to those who were injured, and most of all to the families whose loved ones were killed. You have my deepest sympathy and are in my thoughts and prayers. Aurora is in my heart, as it is, in much of the country.

 

“I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion, then it will start a chain reaction of the same. People will never know how far a little kindness can go.”~Rachel Joy Scott  (1981-1999) 

Student & 1st Victim Of The Columbine High School Massacre

Originally, I was going to write about my daughter getting ready to go off to college, Thursday night changed all that. I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge the horrific crime that took place the other night, in a town just outside of Denver. The town was that of Aurora, Colorado; which ironically was rated as the ninth safest city in America by Forbes magazine.  The story now, became quite the opposite, with the images fixed on our television screens, following an evening out to the movies. Sadly, twelve (12) people were killed and fifty-eight (58) others were wounded, some critically, the youngest victim is only 4 months old while tragically the youngest killed was only six years old.

During the midnight premiere of Dark Knight Rises, at a sold out show of one of the most anticipated blockbuster movies of the summer, tragedy struck this quiet suburb. Authorities say the alleged gunman, James Holmes, had attended the movie with enough armor to help him in his planned attack. He had fortified himself with enough Kevlar and tactical body armament to protect is own life, while he mercilessly took the lives of innocent others.  We may never know, nor understand what was going on within the mind of this allegedly quiet, bright young man, who now will not be known for whatever good he might have achieved in his life, had he not seemingly become insane. Rather his name now will be synonymous with evil, having masterminded and executing one of the most heinous massacres in current US history.

This is not the first time that a gunman has shaken this country to its' core. We, as a society, have become not so much shocked, but more-so curious with violence in our culture. I find it surprising that all of this occurred in the same state where the infamous and equally tragic Columbine school shootings took place . What gave me cause for alarm, was that even though a massacre of mass proportions, had happened just over a decade ago, gun control laws are still lax in the state of Colorado. Thirteen years ago, when we collectively witnessed the horrors of gun violence, massacres are still happening, all over the country and still we talk about gun control. Talk, but no solution.

To prove that we have become indifferent to violence in our society, and have gotten somewhat apathetic, is the simple fact that there were young children present at this movie premiere. Now please, do not misunderstand and mistake this comment as a criticism of the victims from this horror, but what are we doing taking young children to a mature and highly violent film at midnight?

Here is another shocker, up until a few months ago; when Ted Nugent made his highly controversial comments regarding the current sitting President, I was an active member of the NRA. I am a legal gun owner, and had fully believed in the right to bear arms. What I do not support is the need for people to own semi-automatic weapons, or amass a stash of weapons without raising alarm bells. Like all things in this world, we need to regulate gun ownership and the sales of guns.

James Holmes, age 24 and a former graduate student working on his Doctorate in neuroscience until a few months ago, was headed in a completely different direction. Yet, in just a few months began to seemingly become unraveled. Dropping out of his graduate program, and began to set the stage and compile a gun collection and ammunition  amounting to more than 6,000 rounds. Had we stopped the empty talks, but had actually taken some sort of action, perhaps someone might have taken notice that someone was stockpiling enough weapons, not to forage on a duck hunt. There are few ways to currently keep track of those who are doing the same, and believe me, James Holmes is not the only one nor dismally, with the lack of gun control will he be the last.

The disinterest we place on the need for gun control, will only lead to more gun violence, and more massacres.

Map Depicting Statistical Data of Gun Violence in America

When our forefathers included the "Right to bear arms", it was given at a time when life was different. It was written at a time when settlers to the new land were fighting with the Natives of this land, when we had just emerged from a war with England, and fighting with the French in order to access more land. These factors were in play, when the decision was made, but we live in a different time, and like all things of history it is time for a change.

Perhaps, this tragedy, with the loss of so many innocent lives, this time we will together take a stand, and instead of talk, actually take action to help prevent further senseless deaths of human lives facing the barrel of a gun. In case you are in need of a few facts* to help stimulate you into putting pressure on the powers that be.

• While gun crime is down in the vast majority of states, it is up in New York, Virginia, New Jersey, Mississippi, Missouri, Arizona, Delaware, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, North Dakota, Connecticut and several of the smaller states.
•  If you look at the firearms murder rate per 100,000 people, District of Columbia comes out top - with 16 firearms murders per 100,000 man, woman and child in the state. There were 99 firearms murders in DC in 2010, down 12% on 2009
•  In the beginning of 2011 the shooting spree in Tucson, Arizona, that targeted congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords left six dead, including a nine-year-old child. But since then, the issue has been given scant attention.
• The summer of 2012 in Chicago during the Memorial Day weekend 55 people were shot, a few months later in the city of New York, 77 people were victims of gun violence over the course of less then one week
•  The rate of death from firearms in the United States is eight times higher than that in its economic counterparts in other parts of the world.
• The overall firearm-related death rate among U.S. children younger than 15 years of age is nearly 12 times higher than among children in 25 other industrialized countries combined. 

*Statistics provided by FBI, CDC and The Brady Campaign

So while the numbers may be down, they are still too high. Do we need them to climb back up again before we start doing something?

Lastly, amidst the chaos and horrors of Thursday night, there were heroes. Young men protecting women, and children with their own bodies, some suffering wounds, some giving the ultimate sacrifice; their own lives to shelter another from the shooter.  I was most impressed by one young man in particular. The young man is Jarrell Brooks, 19 years of age, who was prepared to leave when the mayhem erupted, stopped when he heard a young woman scream "MY KIDS!". Risking his own life, he leaped into action, making the bold and brave decision to come to her aid. He managed to lead her and the children to safety, suffering gun shot wounds to his leg. When asked how he felt, this amazing young man said the following words; "I forgive James Holmes for shooting me, because it is more bold to forgive than to hate."

Let us take a cue from this incredible man, wise beyond his years. Find forgiveness for this madness, and be bold, as I stated in the beginning of this entry; we may never know or understand the type of sickness that festered in the mind of James Homes. How can we understand the mindset of a man that booby-trapped his own home with explosives, and waited for the theater to be packed, and begin a rampage on all who were present. Our boldness is to find a solution to prevent this from ever happening again to our neighbors.


No quotes tonight, just a thought. Have we become so adjusted to the sight of violence, we no longer have the will or fortitude to garner our own heroism to put an end to it?