Remembering my IT days

Years ago, and I am going back decades here, I was a single mother, divorced for a few years and at that time recently unengaged. I decided I wanted an entire new life, I had almost, yet again, married the wrong man for me and saw that change was necessary. So I decided that I would turn away from contracting, remodels and interior design and enter the computer industry. So I enrolled back to school, and attended Skidmore College where I obtained a degree in computer sciences. 

Now this was new and exciting, it was the early 90's and technology was the place to be. Problem was I had to gain some experience and to do that required I do some grunt work. For web design, this meant working for porn sites. Believe it or not, this is where the money was and where the ingenuity of web sites were developed. Now, I by no means am a prude (kiddies shield your eyes), but there just so much genital shots, tits, ass oral copulation and so forth before one can begin to freak out. Okay, maybe not freak out, but perhaps be turned off to sex altogether. Since I was NOT going to let that happen, I decided to leave my position (maybe wrong choice of word), anyway I left to seek employment elsewhere. Which led me to the help desk at a Fortune 500 company, in efforts to prevent lawsuits, I will refer to them as XYZ Corporation. Welcome to my HELL!

I know many of you have been disgruntled with your IT department, but trust me when I say we have it bad on the other end of those calls. The reason why I am addressing this today, is because I read something quite comical on a fellow blogger's page. Witty as it was, I could sense his frustration and thought that I would give him some insight to the insanity on the tech's end. So here is a look into some of my typical calls. I worked from 8am until 4pm eventually I was given a pager, but this is where I cut my teeth so to say.

Monday 7:58am (phone rings)

    Me: "Morning XYZ IT department, Chris speaking. How can I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, I can't get my computer on." 

    Me: "Ok sir, let me help you with that. Now is the light on the lower right corner of your monitor on?"

Caller: "What light? I told you it's not working!"

    Me: "I understand, but the monitor would have a separate power source I just want to make sure it is on."

Caller: "Well it isn't on, no light no nothing."

    Me: "OK, can you look behind the monitor and see if the monitor is plugged into the outlet source?"

Caller: "What the hell? Am I suppose to do your job?"

    Me: "No sir, but I need to rule out a few things first."

Caller: "Fine! (muttering a few words) Ok it isn't plugged in, happy now?" 

    Me: "No, now please plug in the monitor into the wall outlet"

Caller: "Still not going to make the computer work,..oh damn now I can see my desktop."

    Me: "Good sir, is there anything else I can help you with?"

<dial tone> 

Now I am muttering. I can see how this Monday is going to be. 

(phone rings)

    Me: "Morning XYZ IT department, Chris speaking. How can I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, I can't open any of my files, I think I have a virus." 

    Me: "Ok ma'am, let's not jump to conclusions, we will figure this out."

Caller: "Yeah, well I am telling you, I heard about viruses entering systems all the time. You people should really know more!"

    Me: "Ok, how about you just tell me what the problem is."

Caller: "I told you already, weren't you listening?"

    Me: "OK, can you tell me again why you say they aren't opening?"

Caller: "Well I try to move the mouse but it won't go over the little picture thingy which means i can't open it! You know I told them I didn't need to have a new computer, this one is too tall and takes up too much room."

    Me: "Well, it actually takes up less space on the tower, and it is an upgrade from the desktop you had before. but let's get to your problem, you say your mouse isn't working? Or is it that the icons aren't ...."

Caller: (interrupting me) "I never used the other computer, our staff secretary did. But what are icons? I was talking about the picture thingys?" 

    Me: "Icons are what the picture thingys are called"

Caller: "Oh,...yes the mouse won't move over them no matter how much I move it."

    Me: "Ok ma'am, are you sure it is plugged into the CPU? That would be the tower thingy."

Caller: "Yes it is plugged in, I am telling you its a virus." 

    Me: "Ok ma'am, let's figure this out together, now does your desk have clear glass on top?."

Caller: "Yes, but what does my desk have to do with the mouse? I think I need to speak with someone else, you don't seem to understand."

    Me: "Well, if you have glass it can effect how the mouse works, which is why we gave you all mouse pads."

 Caller: "I have the mouse pad under it and no matter what I do with it it jumps across the screen, now I still don't get why and you obviously have no idea either!"

    Me: "Ok I will come up and change your mouse and fix the problem for you. Just give me a few minutes."

Caller: "Good, finally something! So they call them icons, that is cool, like the mouse is called that because it hides below your desk."

    Me: "Pardon?"

Caller: "Well it is right?"

    Me: "Just where is your tower located? Because we don't have a cord that long."

Caller: "It's on the floor, (near whispering) I didn't like it on my desk, made it too cluttered, I got Joe in maintenance to move it for me."

   Me: "So just how are you using the mouse?" (bracing myself for the answer)

Caller: "Oh, like a pedal, isn't that how you can use it?"

   Me: (frustrated and annoyed) "No, a mouse is meant to be on your desk and used with your hand! I am going to have someone from your department return the CPU back to its original configuration. That should resolve your problem ma'am."

Caller: "Oh my I feel so silly, well live and learn! But it could still be a virus right?"

    Me: "Just call back IT after the tower and mouse are back on your desk if you still can't access your files. Thank you for calling the help desk."

Caller: "Ok, buh bye!"

<dial tone followed by a thud of my head hitting the desk> I look to the clock, are you kidding me??

8:42am

This was just the beginning of my day at the desk, and this was a good day. I am not replaying the time one of the employees downloaded some porn and in turn downloaded a worm which temporarily had our network in a mess, until we had to immediately take it offline to fix it. Nor am I relaying the adventure of the moron that thought if he simply turned off the PC rather than go to shut it down the machine would last all of these error codes to improper shut down. 

Trust me when I say, a lot of your co-workers have called IT for the dumbest solutions, by the time the rational ones call on us for assistance we have been more than aggravated. More than a few of us have already been beaten down and all before noon and frankly, have begun to lose the will to live. Not to mention PCs and Networks have to be kept cool, so in the middle of January when it is already cold outside, we have to sit in a room that is just as cold. So the next time you are dealing with IT, be patient and give us a break, cause really you have NO CLUE the kind of morning some us may have had before 9am.

Today's quote of the day comes from a football giant, who understood what it was to work with obstacles, plus I like the man; "People who work together will win, whether it be against complex football defenses, or the problems of modern society." -Vince Lombardi