Saturday, I wrote what I thought was, a heartfelt message to my firstborn. Please note I said what "I thought was", but I want you all to be aware that before posting it had to be daughter approved. It had been my intention to not embarrass her, and allegedly much of what I do is just that, embarrassing. Now mind you, it isn't anything specific, apparently anything I do or say can be perceived as an embarrassment by my teenaged daughter. This is also the view of most teens with regards to their parents.
I could sit here and regale in the stories of the countless times she embarrassed me, such as when she was still breastfeeding and decided it was time for lunch and unzipped my sweatshirt in public. She was 8 months old and at that moment I decided it was about time to ween her. I could also mention how I had to explain to a state trooper why I was pulled over on the Thruway crawling about trying to retrieve a Barbie she just threw out the window, or when she insisted I purchase a ticket for her to climb a rock wall and then decided she was too scared to do it. The end result, I had to climb first to show her it was safe. Did I mention I was wearing a dress? Yet, these are the things we do as parents, and we don't complain.
I have another child, fourteen years younger then her sister. Yes, you heard me right, just when I saw the light at the end of the tunnel I JUMPED back in the pool to do it all again. I think when she turns thirteen I am going to leave, I can always return when she is twenty-one! Frankly they say kids make you feel young but mine are making me feel my age, all forty-five years of them, but I digress.
I suppose that I am fine with the quirks, disappointments and blame that comes from being a mother. I never tried to be that cool mom, turned out I was because I watch anime, and once worked in the gaming industry and still played video games. The fact that I listen to current music didn't hurt my status either, but it was a status she used amongst her peers, never giving the compliments or acknowledgment to me herself. I suppose that would have been asking for too much.
Hopefully, this college transition will be easier than when I took her to school for the first time. Easier for me that is, she pushed me out of the class telling me to go, while I cried at the doorway and sat in my car. I was hurt and proud at the same time, proud of her self confidence that she could fend for herself without me. Hurt that she was so confident that she didn't need me to help her on her first day in school and could fend for herself. So began the paradox of my role as her mother.
This blog entry was not daughter approved, but I think she will forgive my transgression. Our days together are growing fewer, so what is one more embarrassment.
Tonight's quote is from a woman who understood motherhood, and saw the humor in the madness; "Do you know what you call those who use towels and
never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they
never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just
answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my
kids."
~Erma Bombeck
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