A Dose of Reality

Love. Sex. Two words that continuously seem to find themselves intertwined, at times never belonging in the same paragraph, let alone in the same sentence. Contrary to popular belief, it isn't only women that fall for this trap. Human beings have an undeniable way of creating a situation in the mind, to justify our actions. We live in a world full of contradictions of our own making. He doesn't want a too promiscuous partner, but hope she will put out on the first date. She doesn't want the constraints of a commitment, but he better not be seeing anyone else. Some will claim the key to a good relationship is knowing someone well, but think that The Bachelor may actually be the road to a good relationship. Endless contradictions.

The confusion of such things extends as far back to when we were children, where young girls are lied to about a number of things regarding love, sex and men. We are bombarded with the handsome prince rescuing the princess, going off into happily ever after. Another, which was briefly explored in the movie He's Just Not That Into You, where we are told if someone picks on you, he likes you. It is no wonder that women grow up believing that they are going to get that magical ending and romance lies in the bedroom. Not so ladies, sex lies in the bedroom. Confusing sex for romance or love for sex is common, so you are not alone. Heck, I fell for that too when I was younger, but wisdom and experience has taught me differently.

The truth is sex is just that, sex. It can be enhanced when the feeling of love is involved, but it more than likely will not lead to love. These are the excuses we make, in order to justify the guilt one may suffer from, after engaging in the act. What we are prone to is the hypocrisy that women are not sexual beings, but can be made into sexual objects. As women we are told to be chaste, reserved and most of all that only sluts are promiscuous. If this were true, I strongly suspect the earth's population would be greatly under control.  

It is important for us all, (men and women), to understand a few things, one that sex is good. Second, if you are a mature adult, it is okay to have have a partner or more before your life is over, and finally, having sex does not mean you are in love even if it is called love making. I know of what I speak, trust me. The jig is up now fellas, I am going to tell the women the truth here, the whole truth. They (men) lie! They lie about loving you, caring for you and wanting to know you because their end goal is to get you in the sack. If you are willing to believe it, they can sell you anything, just  to get to that goal, so don't believe the hype. You must ask yourself how can a man I barely know love me? Have I met his friends? His family? If not, chances are he is selling you a tale of romance to meet his end goal. 

Now, don't worry guys, I got you covered, she lies too! Granted mostly to herself, in order to justify her being in the horizontal with you. She did want a relationship, she is looking for "the right guy" and sorry, but chances are she has had a few more lovers than she admitted to. A good rule of thumb for detecting the one's wanting more from you then just a roll in the hay, check where her confidence is. Does she seek reassurance? Is she too into your activities? Too eager to blend your life with hers? If so, realize that you are dealing with a potential emotional time bomb and if you invite her into the bedroom, be ready to invite her into all avenues of your life.

There is only one way to combat these potential dilemmas, HONESTY. We, all must learn to be brutally honest with one another when it comes to sex and love. If you  can't, stop playing with the adults and head back to the kiddie section of the pool. Brutal honesty does not mean being rude or curt, it means to tell the truth. Ladies, if you want a relationship no more head games. IT DOES NOT WORK! I do not care what Hollywood is telling you. There are men out there, that seek a partner and companionship, those are the men you need to find. Not the ones still playing the field. Men, there are women who are fine with the friends with benefits package, so stop feeding lines.

Most of all enough with asking for something that you yourself do not have. Frankly, I am annoyed with both the men and women who have these lists for the perfect mate for themselves, yet they do not possess these same qualities. If you desire certain things from a partner, first before stepping out the door, before placing an ad on Match.com, you MUST have those same qualities within yourself.  Start with your head, go to your heart and the rest will follow. For happiness, we have to do the simple thing, be honest with ourselves, then honest with others, prepare ourselves to receive and finally,...breathe and receive. Remember, you are the architect for your own happiness, no matter what it may be. To be single and have lovers, to be mated with your true love. It all lies within your grasp, but it is done with conscience choices, beginning with honesty.

You all know me and the quotes, so of course I have a few for you to think on;

• "Don't marry someone you would not be friends with if there was no sex between you."~William Glasser
• "We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love."~Tim Robbins 
• "And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course."~Khalil Gibran